BIDEN TO MEXICO: DEVALUE PESO TO PRESERVE CINCO DE MAYO!
Washington, D.C. – The Bureau of Labor Statistics sent out another warning today, due to inflation. National Marijuana Day has been rescheduled. It will now be April 30th.
“Supply chain issues, expanded money supply, and the lagging effect of COVID-19 has forced us to make this move,” the Department said.
Marijuana enthusiasts were not in high spirits upon hearing the news. It put a damper on many who hoped that, with COVID-19 receding and loosening cannabis laws, 2022 would be the year of the hash bash.
“This sucks! I want to be high, not my prices,” said customer Reid Stephens at the Four & Twenty Black Buds dispensary in Los Angeles.
The moving of the holiday has put many dispensaries and party stores in a bind. They had already purchased supplies printed with the old 4/20 date.
“God, is this going to be like Easter now? Will it be a moving target?” said Party City manager Carla Jackson. “Maybe we can go to the Michaels craft store on the other side of the shopping center and repurpose the leftover St. Patrick’s Day stuff.”
The Biden Administration said it’s too late to salvage the 4/20 holiday this year. They did, however, vow to take action to preserve future holidays on the calendar.
“President Biden is reaching out to our partners in Mexico to save Cinco De Mayo from the ravages of inflation. We want to give Americans some stability in these trying times,” said White House press secretary Jen Psaki.
PESO TO THE RESCUE?
Biden held an emergency meeting with Mexican president Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador. He beseeched the leader to devalue the peso to offset costs in America. A spokesman for the Mexican president said they were willing to act if the US would make concessions. They want immigration reform, cutbacks on the wearing of exaggerated sombreros, and declare Corona the official beer of Cinco de Mayo to make up for lost sales during the coronavirus pandemic. Sources for both sides say talks are ongoing.
Biden is also in contact with the Congressional Black Caucus. They are working on a bailout package to protect the Juneteenth holiday. They fear the new holiday would be pushed to July. Republicans tried to add an amendment to the package. They wanted July 4th to be celebrated every month. Nancy Pelosi quickly tossed out this amendment.