Governor: “From the Wright Brothers To P’Lod, Ohio is First in Flight!”
Ohio’s new economic ad campaign “Ohio is for Leaders” has achieved universal acclaim. It has brought aliens to the state!
“When most new species visit Earth, they want you to take them to your leader,” says Dr. Amy Carmine, “Ohio has sent out a signal to aliens that it is the place to find them.”
NASA data backs up the Ohio campaign. The data show Ohio rocketing past Texas, Florida, and New Mexico as the top state for alien visitations.
“Normally aliens look to spaceports or military installations as the point of the first contact,” says NASA administrator James Olmstead, “Ohio has now become the leader in the burgeoning space tourism industry, even if it’s for visitors from other worlds.”
Governor Mike DeWine, speaking from the NASA Glenn Research Center in Cleveland, praised the success of the campaign. He cited Ohio’s long history in the field of aviation.
“Ohio has always been first in flight!”, said Governor DeWine. “From Dayton’s own Wright Brothers, to the record 25 astronauts this state has produced, including John Glenn and Neil Armstrong. Not to mention P’Lod has bought a summer home on Lake Erie!”
Lt. Governor Jon Husted echoed DeWine’s sentiments.
“There’s an old joke that says, the reason we produce so many astronauts is because people want to get as far away from Ohio as possible. And while that may be true, this is countered by the new arrivals from outer space every day,” Husted said.
THE BOOMING SPACE TRADE
Business in the space trade is skyrocketing in Ohio. The demand remains high for alien products and services. From aerospace contractors, intergalactic relations experts, space lawyers, all the way down to the local retail stores. Ohio seems to be cornering the alien market.
“We’re doing great trade-in on Ohio state quarters,” said John McManus, owner of Ashtabula Coin and Cash.
McManus is referencing the 2002 coin. It had an image of the Wright Brothers plane and an astronaut, with “Birthplace of Aviation Pioneers” imprinted on it. Sales of this coin were astronomical with all types of intergalactic visitors.
“A group of Gootans came in and wanted to buy necklaces made with the coin for their friends back home. They cleared me out of my stock. Crypto traders wish their coins were this popular!” McManus crowed.
There is a space race. It’s not between the US and Russia or China, but between states, as they all gun for the space dollar.
“Michigan has an advantage with the Gootans. Their state looks like the Gootan hand gesture for ‘welcome’,” says Dr.Carmine, “Illinois is trying to use Michael Jordan and the original Space Jam as part of its campaign. Wyoming has a unique selling point: it’s attractive to those aliens who may need to acclimate themselves from the vast emptiness of space, before approaching anything resembling civilization.”
Mississippi ranks last in the space trade. When asked about its low-ranking, Governor Tate Reeves stepped out of the Governor’s double-wide trailer, waved around a rusty shotgun, and declared he would shoot any illegal alien that came into his state.