NEW YORK, NY – Amidst all the hoopla surrounding the new Yankee Stadium: Is it home run friendly, is it too big, can A-Rod still choke when it matters in more spacious surroundings, etc., one thing has gone under the radar with local fans. The team’s decision to alter the National Anthem.
In an effort to be more PC, team officials decided over the summer that starting this year, they were going to alter the song to assure no ethnicity, race, team, fan, political entity, and Islamic extremist was offended.
Said one Yankee spokesman, ‘First of all, call me spokesperson, so I don’t offend any females. We thought that with a new President, and a new stadium, now would be the perfect time to show the world that the Yankees are expanding their brand. It’s the right thing to do. We expect it to catch on.” Then he continued, “Plus in this economy, s***, we need as many people as possible to pay for the seats we totally overpriced. S***, don’t print that last part. If you do, I’ll just deny it. Wait, is that a tape recorder. F*** me.”—(inaudible commotion).
DBB research has obtained a few of the changes to the Yankee’s new version.
‘bombs bursting in air’, will be changed to ‘tireless peace talks’;
‘our flag was still there’, will be changed to ‘our flag was still there but we’re not occupiers, and we’re not here to colonize your Arab country’;
‘home of the brave’, will be changed to ‘home of the very cool’.
Is this going too far? Will the Yankees regret this decision? Does anyone even listen to the anthem or are they getting beer and finding their seats? Short answer. Maybe.
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