Michelle Obama confirmed what many Democrats have believed for years – Barack Obama is Jesus reincarnated.
Michelle Obama came onto the stage of the Democratic Convention in North Carolina on Tuesday night to the strains of Stevie Wonder’s new gospel song “Barack is Lord”!
The self-described “mom-in-chief” — “my most important title,” she said this night — gave an effectively emotional speech, at times her voice quavering. She spoke about her early life with her husband. Mrs. Obama talked about their courtship and their college debts. She said that when they were first dating, Barack’s most prized possession was ” a coffee table he found in a dumpster,” clearly a bold attempt to trump Ann Romney’s we-ate-our meals-on-an-ironing-board anecdote.
Then, she shocked the convention hall when she said that it wasn’t until after she was married to Barack Obama for two years that she came to realize that Barack was, in fact, the Messiah.
“At first, I thought it was just luck that Barack would always find a parking spot right in front of our apartment in Chicago, or that he always got every job he every wanted, or had people writing down everything he said,” the First Lady reportedly told the delegates. “I never thought anything of the fact that we always had wine in the house, but I never saw him buy a bottle. Not once.”
The First Lady went on to tell the delegates and Americans at home, that Barack is “still the same man he was back in 2008.” She said that Barack can still heal the earth, part the Red Sea and get a NYC cab on a rainy day, during rush hour.”
“Barack is our Savior,” Michelle reportedly said in her speech. “Barack will lead Americans out of the wilderness, out of the Burning Bush that was left for him. Barack will lead us to the promised land and part the Seas so he can put windmills on the floors of the oceans and power the world with Earth, Wind and Fire.”
Michelle then broke into song and sang a song with a familiar melody. She wowed the crowd with “Barack Obama, Superstar.” She went on to say that Mitt Romney was just a Roman soldier, but Paul Ryan, is “Judas.” She reportedly said, “Paul Ryan wants to take us back to the era of the dinosaurs, back when Republicans shot dinosaur with their assault weapons and brought on the ice age.”
The First Lady also said that President Obama was “in on” the Clint Eastwood routine. “Barack has said repeatedly that if he had a superpower it would be the power to be invisible. Well, the fact is that he HAS that power and last week he sat in the chair, while Clint Eastwood did his schtick. Barack loved it and plans on making Clint Eastwood an angel… in Limbo.
There were some people that were upset that the word “God” was taken out of the Democratic Party Platform. Michelle revealed the reason for this… “You can’t have Barack and God in the same document, or sentence. It’s redundant.”
So, there you have it. Barack Obama – the confirmed Messiah.