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ED ANGER SAYS: I'M NOT DEAD!

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I’m madder than a flea on a soapy dog! There’s this crazy rumor going around the computers that I’m dead! Well, that’s the dumbest thing I ever heard. If I was dead, how could I be writing this?
What with everybody dying last week, I guess it was bound to happen, but it still ticks me off. I go hiking for a couple of days on the Appalachian Trail, and I get back to find folks peeping on that Peeter.com that I’ve gone to the great Gun Show in the Sky.
Well, you can’t get rid of old Ed Anger that easy. Those Hollywood types might be dropping like flies but I’m made of stronger stuff. I didn’t single-handedly storm Pork Chop Hill, kill a hundred commies and live to tell the tale just to keel over now.
There’s too much that needs to be done to save America and only Ed Anger can do it!
The Teleprompter Kid and the Hair Club for Men Vice President and Nancy Puglosi and Barney Spank are bound and determined to ruin this great country of ours.
They want the DMV and the Post Office to run the hospitals!
They want to take away your house and give it to welfare bums! They want to take away your guns too, and your talk radio shows and your light bulbs and your air conditioning!
Nope, I can’t die now! So I’ve been stocking up on oxygen tanks and canned beans and bottled water. Ed Anger is here for the duration!
So look out, all you leftover hippies and liberal traitors: Ed Anger is still breathing! And as long as I’ve got WD-40 for my wheelchair and a pantry full of tinned chili, I’ll be on your tail.
Consider yourselves warned!

6 thoughts on “ED ANGER SAYS: I'M NOT DEAD!”

  1. Oh Ed!! You crack me up! I'm sure it's all fun and games for the people at the top. Us? We're just the peons, we're just the 'We the People…' part of the Constitution that no longer have a say unless we consume, stick our heads in the sand, our hands in the air and feel guilty for even being alive. ____Of course you're still alive, though Ed, they want you alive, silent but alive, as long as you can pay taxes you're useful, but your thoughts, feelings, and opinions are not to be conveyed only your money should pass to someone else, supposedly more needy. I've found this out the hard way. ____The year before last I made $12,500 and I kid you not, I had to pay out $7,500 in taxes, of course I got an awesome $2.00 'stimulus check' which I've never cashed so I can show the whole lot to future generations (i.e. the tax return with the $12,500 earned, copy of the cashed check for $7,500 to the IRS, and the $2.00 'stimulus check' I received) .

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  2. Oxygen tanks, canned beans, WD-40, and tinned chili? Sounds like a potentially explosive situation Ed! You'd better be careful when you spark up the old Zippo lighter… or you might wind up blowing your top!

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