FIRE BREAKS OUT ON THE MOON!

WASHINGTON — Raging wildfires erupted on the moon last week in a phenomenon that researchers say can’t possibly explain how fires can burn and spread without oxygen in the icy vastness of space. Some bible scholars and clergymen are saying that the situation is important proof that the end of the world is near. Other … READ MORE

GOD THROWING ASTEROIDS AT EARTH

NASA has just detected a swarm of 16 asteroids hurtling towards Earth this week. After investigating the swarm, NASA has announced that God was throwing asteroids at Earth. They did not know what the reason was for God’s actions, but they are confident it was him (or her). These asteroids will start slamming into Earth … READ MORE

THE BOYS ARE BACK!

On New Ramones Album, Even Death Can’t Slow Them Down!  Ramones, Rocket From Russia (Lobotomy Records, 2022) To say that no one would have expected this is an understatement. Rocket From Russia (the title, of course, balances out the band’s classic 1977 album Rocket to Russia) is not only the first Ramones album since Adios Amigos in 1995, but the … READ MORE

INFLATION MOVES 4/20 to 4/30

BIDEN TO MEXICO: DEVALUE PESO TO PRESERVE CINCO DE MAYO! Washington, D.C. – The Bureau of Labor Statistics sent out another warning today, due to inflation. National Marijuana Day has been rescheduled. It will now be April 30th. “Supply chain issues, expanded money supply, and the lagging effect of COVID-19 has forced us to make … READ MORE

PLANET CLAIRE IS REAL!

New wave flight of fancy suddenly turns true Astronomers working at the Wescott Observatory in Coconino County, Arizona, were recently tracking a series of meteors. “It was cloudy with a chance of meteors,” said Jack Hawkins, Wescott’s publicity officer. “Get it? It’s a play on ‘Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.’” During the routine exercise, … READ MORE

STUCK! Help! She Can’t Get Out of Character!

Actors spend days, weeks, and even months taking on new roles—studying the people they are playing, learning how to imitate their mannerisms, tones, and posture, trying to bring the characters to the big or small screen. The results can be spectacular. But they can also be scary. And for one actress, they can be permanent.  … READ MORE

THE LEAST-WANTED LOOKALIKES!

New company pleasing no one—and that’s the point! The sign over the unassuming storefront on the outskirts of Miami reads “Double Jeopardy,” in a font that looks familiar. Yes, it’s the same as Four Seasons Total Landscaping, and it’s on purpose. Bart Marcolo, the owner of the business, has an eye for satire. “I was … READ MORE