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MICHELLE OBAMA: TURN OFF THE INTERNET!

WASHINGTON – Michelle Obama wants kids to get out and play, but how? By turning off the internet!
Americans are without a doubt addicted to the internet. US citizens spend, on average, close to 65 hours a month, per person, surfing the web. Some case studies have shown that certain regions of the US spend as much as 10 hours a day online and that usage is not work related.
With childhood obesity steadily on the rise and Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! program gaining little traction, the White House had decided to kick their efforts up a notch by turning off the internet. The information super-highway will not be shut of permanently, only on Sundays. The switch will be flipped at midnight on Sunday and be turned back on at midnight on Monday.
The First Lady came up with the idea after hearing that Egypt had turned the internet off nationwide earlier today. The Egyptians took this dramatic action not in order to get their children off of their behinds but rather in an attempt to silence the protests and demonstrations calling for the end of President Hosni Mubarak’s rule. Other countries such as China and Iran have made similar efforts to silence the voices of the internet as well, but Egypt is the first to successfully shut down all of the country’s connections.
The White House is assuring the American public that the once a week shut down will not have a negative effect on the country’s struggling economy as most businesses are closed on Sundays anyway.

“We have done extensive research on the matter and have concluded that the majority of businesses are closed on Sundays because people are attending church in the morning, grocery shopping the afternoon, and watching TV in the evening. No one is going to miss the internet on Sundays. The majority of Americans will not even realize that it is turned off,” said a White House representative at a press conference this morning.
However, many internet retailers are outraged over the news.
“This is completely un-American,” said Brian Fellow, owner of an Etsy shop that sells hand made Amish swimwear.
Internet retail giant Amazon.com is already filing a law suite against the US government, citing that the government is unjustly restricting their ability to do business.
The youth of America is dumb struck by the news as well.
“First Facebook now the entire internet, my life is going to pieces,” said Tammy Swanson, a sophomore at McCaskey East High School.
White house representatives have not given a specific date for the first internet free Sunday but sources believe that it will be within the next 6 months.

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22 thoughts on “MICHELLE OBAMA: TURN OFF THE INTERNET!”

  1. Did Michelle Obama forget about Emergencies Police can use internet on Sundays ,Firemen ,Paramedics just shut them off you have kaos plus people having telephone problems what if the telephone wans't orking in a household and someone needed an internet for an emergency communication on one of the days they shouldn't use internet it could kill people no warning And Sunday Sports you have no score updates on Sunday Football ,I agree business owners make their money over the weekend on internet weekdays too busy running this country gas polution .And I pay internet monthly bills wheres my rebate send me a check instead of losing sunday on internet.

    Reply
  2. So they plan on shutting the internet down? All they're pointing out are the people that use the internet for whatever they want. What about all the people that use the internet for online college? You're going to screw them over just because you don't have any influence over what people want to do? It's a FREE country. Stop trying to dictate everything.

    Reply
    • Psst… you may want to check out some of the other articles on this "reliable" news site. Perhaps the "mutants" and/or "aliens" sections 😉

    • They are not trying to dictate they are trying to give our children hope, maybe if more parents would control the internet in the home this would not be an issue, most parents allow their children to look at youtube videos, and play internet games before tey insit on them picking up a book. Encourage your children to go outside and play with other children their age, run around be more active instead of going in the unsafe chatrooms and planning meetings or trading photos with perverts sitting there waiting to hurt the children.

  3. I Support Michelle. We all know the average fellow American is not smart enough to be free. For example, so many piss and moan about how the banks are f@#%ing them, but they still give them their money, and pay them to hold it. They cry about how big corporations destroy America, but they continue to go to Walmart to save $14. They complain that they can never understand the foreign customer service representative, but they continue to buy products from the companies that outsource to them. If Americans are too dumb to go outside on a sunny day, we need to make a law. If they are too dumb to look at what they put in their bodies, we'll fix it with a law. Everyone needs to know this is for their own good. One day you'll thank the Democratic party for their innovative solutions.
    -+=Together we'll Thrive(TM)=+-

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    • Then you don't understand Democracy. If that's what you truly believe, then go live in a Communist/Socialist state, where what you have is decided for you, and you have no opportunity to change anything. It's people like you that make this country weaker by allowing the government to rule our lives.

  4. I support the Government on this, За Родину! За Сталина! I mean umm Allah hu Ackbar! wait no oh yeah its heil hi- no no i meant God bless Amuurica!!!

    Reply

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