Well, slap my hide and call me a patriot, folks! The day I’ve been hollerin’ about for years has finally come, and I’m madder than a wet hen that it took this long! President Donald J. Trump—God bless that beautiful head of hair—has signed an executive order that’s gonna make America’s showers great again, and … READ MORE
Folks, I’m madder than a wet hen in a tote sack, and you know why? Paper straws! Those limp, soggy, good-for-nothing excuses for drinking implements have been shoved down our throats—literally—for years now by the tree-hugging, granola-crunching, save-the-planet nitwits who think they’re smarter than the rest of us. Well, I’ve had it up to my … READ MORE
Folks, I’m so steamed up right now I could melt the paint off a battleship! They’ve gone and done it this time. Plopped a 60-foot Kim Kardashian balloon right smack in the middle of Times Square like it’s some kind of national treasure! I saw the pictures, and let me tell you, I nearly choked … READ MORE
I’m madder than a porcupine in a balloon factory over this Zelensky-Trump-Vance circus in the Oval Office last week! That meeting got my blood pressure higher than a cat’s back in a dog pound. I’m talking about that so-called “meeting” between President Trump and that Ukrainian fella, Zelensky. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love … READ MORE
“HELLO, I HATE YOU ALL,” HE GREETED. Our story began last month when Guinness World Records, headquartered in London, anointed Ned Demeanor the “Most Hateful Man In America.” “We were shocked because we’d never heard of the man,” said Guinness Records keeper Dr. Spiny Praline. “We observed him for over six months. The man actually … READ MORE
THE WORLD’S FIRST! Hi! I’m Susie, the world’s best .. well, to be fair (and who is?), the world’s only … sex doll advice columnist. I’m beautiful, off-the-charts sexy, would be the most responsive and therefore the best lover you’d ever have .. male robots have literally melted on top of me. But more importantly … READ MORE
Weekly World News regularly reviews top tech releases. Major ChatStat updates tend to come like clockwork, but the last six months have seen an acceleration in improvements that is almost certainly the result of sharper competition. Deltax and Moko both moved into sixth-generation products over the summer, and as a result, Riff Studios Studios forged ahead, not … READ MORE
“To Err is Simian” Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp Alas, Uncle Lancelot saw it coming: the stock-picking chimp violated his cardinal rule – “don’t fall in love with a stock” in this case, cryptocurrencies. So I’m back writing this column because I need the $ and since you’re reading, you probably do too! So let’s step … READ MORE
I’m madder than a leprechaun with a crooked shillelagh about St. Patrick’s Day!
