CAN HE SAVE AMERICA? AMES, IA – Bat Boy was on the stump in Iowa the past few days. Today he drew a cheering crowd of over 10,000 to Iowa State University. As usual, he made his campaign speech with the assistance of his “bat interpreter”. “He doesn’t speak but I can tell that he … READ MORE
LIVE LITTLE MERMAID POPS OUT! A Danish fish factory worker was stunned when he opened a can of sardines and found a tiny, living 4-inch mermaid packed among her scaly cousins. “I couldn’t believe my eyes,” says Jens Grootenboer, who works at the cannery in Aveldad, Denmark where the mysterious mermaid was apparently packed. “It … READ MORE
ANCHORAGE, AL – Bat Boy has decided on his 2020 running mate. After careful consideration, he has chosen Bigfoot to join him in his independent run for The White House! Bat Boy/Bigfoot 2020! After weeks of discussions with some of today’s biggest political consultants -David Axelrod, Karl Rove, Steve Bannon, Van Jones and Bill Clinton … READ MORE
Woodbeast came out to support Bigfoot’s Vice Presidential campaign in 2020. SUNBURY, PA – Local residents have always whispered about Bigfoot sightings, but they picked up considerably over the course of 2019. “It used to be once or twice a year,” said Jason Eckhart, who owns a hardware store. “Then it was once or twice a month. … READ MORE
Animal Rights Activists Immobilize Downtown Los Angeles To Protest Worldwide Itty Bitty Elephant Trade Is this the end for Itty Bitty Elephants? A record-breaking number of animal rights activists have descended on downtown Los Angeles, completely immobilizing activity in the second-largest city in the US. Traffic is at a standstill for a 2-mile radius surrounding … READ MORE
Subpoenaed by Congress. The only being who can tell the truth! Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff shocked many in Washington by subpoenaing Ph.D. Ape to testify to Congress with regard to the impeachment of President Trump. There has been a great deal of confusion and controversy surrounding the impeachment inquiry that was launched in the … READ MORE
WASHINGTON, DC – The United States Congress and The President of the United States have finally agreed on one thing – Ph.D. Ape is the only one who can bring the country together during the Impeachment crisis. This week the House of Representatives voted to officially authorize an impeachment inquiry. The Democrats in the House … READ MORE
ASHEVILLE, NC – Locals have spotted a number of Pumpkin Bears in the woods outside Asheville. Authorities estimate that there are close to two dozen Pumpkin Bears on the loose, which is typical for this time of year. After all, it is mating season! This isn’t the first time that Pumpkin Bears have been seen … READ MORE
Gourmet Fench restaurants in New Orleans and Houston are knocking the competition dead – because all their waiters are zombies! Decked out in elegant waiter attire, the eerily listless creatures carry out their duties quietly and efficiently. The zombie waiters are the most hard-working employees at the trendy Camille’s Restaurant in the French Quarter. “They … READ MORE
VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis spent a good part of the day in the annual Halloween tradition at the Vatican: the Blessing of the Vampires. The annual vampire blessing began in the late 19th century by Pope Leo XII. People Leo decided that All Souls Day should include a blessing for vampires who would be … READ MORE