He’s Ready to Rumble! Every Democratic debate has been slightly different, from the crowded stages late last year to the more recent, winnowed-down fields. The next one will be the most different yet, not just because former New York mayor Mike Bloomberg has qualified, but also because Bat Boy has. “That’s right,” said Bat Boy’s … READ MORE
Is the cold-blooded legend ready to warm up? After years slinking out of the swamps and bayous and terrifying unsuspecting Americans, Manigator is trying something different these days: he’s looking for love. “I got sick of being a figure of fear,” he said. “It gets tiring and worse, it gets lonely. This year, on New … READ MORE
Time-Travel Mishap Can’t Derail Campaign! Bat Boy, whose 2020 candidacy picked up momentum last week with a surprise victory in the Iowa caucuses, had high hopes heading into this week’s New Hampshire primary. “We felt confident that Bat Boy’s brand of uptempo populism would capture the imagination of the electorate,” said Ph.D. Ape, campaign manager. … READ MORE
TOKYO – Fishermen on their annual dolphin hunt captured a dolphin that had human arms! Japanese broadcaster TBX said the first hunt of the season took place in the town of Taiji on Tuesday. Local citizens celebrate the dolphin hunt, which is an annual tradition. The fishermen are from a Japanese town that was once … READ MORE
Monday’s Iowa caucuses were expected to crown the first winners in the Democratic primary process. But instead fell apart amid a hail of high-tech glitches and organizational mishaps. “There was no real winner,” said Nicholas Erdman, a political analyst for True News News. “Which meant that everyone is potentially a winner.” That was true for … READ MORE
JOPLIN, MO – Seven-year-old Kirsten Robbins made history last weekend. She spent several frightful nights defending herself and her five-year-old brother against The Boogeyman. It looked like she would cower under the covers like so many before her, but instead, Kirsten decided to fight back. She fought the boogeyman and she won! It is the … READ MORE
WASHINGTON, DC – The latest Washington sex scandal makes the Presidential Impeachment trial look like an innocent game of spin the bottle. At least 46 top politicians – including Sen. Bob Menendez, Sen Lindsay Grahan, and Congresswoman Lucy Williams – have reportedly had flings with the world’s first Bigfoot hooker! And shockingly, the sexy Sasquatch, … READ MORE
HE ORDERS TAKE-OUT, STIFFS DELIVERY BOY New Jersey’s legendary large, beaked and winged Jersey Devil made an appearance after four decades of solitude, ordering fifty pounds of Chinese food from a local Food To Go outfit and refusing to pay the driver. “I couldn’t believe it,” said delivery driver Tim Lubbock. “I drove into the … READ MORE
A woman has given birth to an amazing Reindeer Boy who sports a pair of antlers! The cuddly infant, appropriately named Rudolph is now seven months old. Despite a prominent set of pointy antlers sprouting from his head, he is in perfect health. His doctors in Nome, Alaska feel that he can have a normal … READ MORE
The horned beast is back to punish all those who have misbehaved this past year. Krampus, also known as the Horned God of Witches, has an official “Day of Punishment” on December 5th. But this year, Krampus has decided to stick around for the entire holiday season. He will be punishing all those (adults, children, … READ MORE