REDONDO BEACH – Millions of dead sardines washed up in a marina. Authorities have confirmed that the fish were killed by aliens.
The massive number of dead sardines came ashore this morning. Local authorities first believed taht the sardines may have suffocated after a storm drove them under a pier where they died.
But Professor John Malley, of the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials happened to be in Los Angeles giving a speech on the ongoing alien invasion. He went to Redondo Beach and met with local and federal authorities. He confirmed that the sardines had The Mark of the Alien on them and that they were, in fact, killed by aliens from Planet Zeeba.
“This is all part of a pattern. Birds in Arkansas, salmon in Washington, cows in Holland and ducks in Hungary. They are all dying because there is an alien invasion going on and the aliens are making their presence known. Sardines are just another casualty.”
Biologists, backed by government agents intent on covering up the alien invasion, have launched a separate investigation into the dead sardine mystery.
As the debate continues on, authorities were happy to find a quick solution as to what to do with the sardines.
The pizza chain, Dominoes, sent a team of “sardine scoopers” to Redondo to collect the sardines. Dominoes CEO, Patrick Boyle, told WWN that the pizza company will be replacing anchovies with sardines “for the foreseeable future.”
Dominoes “mea culpa” ad campaign will not take credit for the death of the sardines, but they will – in full disclosure – reveal that they will be using sardines killed by aliens on their pizzas.
“We thank the aliens from Planet Zeeba for providing fresh sardines for our customers,” Boyle told WWN.
Here’s the first Dominoes “Zeeba Pizza”: