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UPDATE: A true patriot sent me this photo – PROOF that our Northern border is vulnerable to terrorist invasion!

My fellow Americans, if you’re like me, you’re so sick of politics you could puke up a kidney.

It’s like my TV’s got only one channel and it’s an Urkel marathon.

I just know the new Communist-in-Chief is coming to steal my guns and my rabbit ears and my brand new turkey deep fryer from Bass Pro. I’m so worked up, my doctor says I can’t write about politics for a while, dagnabbit.

So here’s something else that’s been burning my bunions. Remember that airplane that landed on the river in New York last week? They say a bunch of Canada geese flew into the engines and made it crash.

Now ladies and gentlemen, I still remember the good old days when geese flew south for the winter. What in blazes were they doing up north in the middle of January?

Well, do-gooders feed those damn geese in the park, that’s what! It’s downright unnatural. If those do-gooders hadn’t fed the geese, they would’ve flown down South like the Good Lord meant them too, and crashed some commie Cuban airplane instead of one of ours.

Now, I don’t care much for that weirdo mayor they’ve got in the Big Apple. But seeing as he loves banning everything, he should ban feeding geese in Central Park. It’s bad enough the damn dirty things crap Tootsie Roll turds all over the place. Now they’re crashing planes like the terrorist foreigners they are!

If Rudy the Great was still in charge, those freeloading, pooping-in-public Canada geese would’ve been shipped back to Canuckistan long ago!

Some folks say we should feed the geese to the homeless. Heck, I say: feed the homeless to the geese, then ship ‘em back to Draftdoger Central!