WASHINGTON, DC – At his Restoring Honor Rally, Glenn Beck told the crowd that Bat Boy is the only one who can save America.
Tens of thousands of people rallied at the steps of the Lincoln Memorial Saturday at an event organized by broadcaster Glenn Beck, who called for a rebirth in America at the site of Martin Luther King Jr.’s famous “I Have A Dream” speech 47 years ago to the day.
“Something that is beyond man is happening,” Mr. Beck said in opening the event as the crowd thronged near the memorial grounds. “America today begins to turn to Bat Boy.”
Beck repeatedly invoked the name of Bat Boy, “We have to get back to the values that made this country great. We have to get back in touch with who we are and the only way we can do that is to look to Bat Boy. Only Bat Boy can save this country. We must put our hope and faith in Bat Boy. We must do it now.”
Many Tea Party Patriots then took off their revolutionary clothing, revealing clothing with the Bat Boy emblem. “We came here today to unite behind Bat Boy. In Bat Boy we trust!” said Molly Wankaman from Springfield, IL. She then opened her mouth wide – along with thousands of others on the Mall.
“For too long, this country has wandered in darkness,” said Beck, dressed in a shirt and tie on a sunny summer day. “This country has spent far too long worrying about scars and thinking about scars and concentrating on scars. We must heal the scars. And the greatest scar healer we have is… Bat Boy.”
Beck was followed by Sarah Palin, the former Republican vice presidential candidate and Alaska governor. She said that she had been asked, in keeping with the theme of the day, to focus not on politics, but to speak as the mother of a soldier. “Our soldiers are fighting overseas for us. It’s time they had a strong leader, who would back them up, to support them and bring them home safely. I know all the soldiers respect and honor Bat Boy and join with me in honoring him today.”
Sarah Palin ended her speech by saying, “The Mama Grizzlies stand with Bat Boy. We feel that he is the one who will guide us out of the darkness and into the light.”
The crowd then shouted “Bat Boy! Bat Boy!” for over fifty minutes. Bat Boy then took the stage and raised his arms to the sky. The crowd erupted even louder. Secret Service agents on Martha’s Vineyard said that President Obama could hear the screams for Bat Boy. “It was so loud,the President missed his putt,” said Agent Robert Bontempo.
Observers said they thought they saw the legs on the statue of Abraham Lincoln move when Bat Boy took the stage. Others say they thought they saw unicorns dance on top Lincoln’s head and were multiple rainbows crisscross the sky above DC.
“My role, as I see it, is to wake America up to the backsliding of principles and values and most of all of Bat Boy,” he said. “We are a country united that loves Bat Boy. Long live, Bat Boy!”
And so… Martin Luther King’s dream is realized. Bat Boy is here to unite the country.