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I’m madder than a mongoose at a cobra convention over that Inauguration.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the worst Inauguration I ever saw, and I was at the one where Eleanor Roosevelt wore a low cut ball gown and they ran out of eyewash.

First, yesterday’s thing interrupted all my afternoon “judge” shows. Speaking of which: did you see the Teleprompter Kid mess up the oath of office? Wasn’t “W” supposed to be the dummy? Hey, at least Bush’s middle name wasn’t “Saddam”!

Then our new Communist-in-Chief gave his big speech. I don’t even remember what he said. It’s like when I eat that crappy Chinese food the grandkids like and I’m hungry an hour later.

Half the time I didn’t know what was going on. The fat preacher’s the gay one, right? (Looked like it, anyway…). We got a poem that didn’t rhyme and a prayer that did. Whole world’s turned upside down.

Leave it to Teddy Kennedy to try stealing the show by nearly dropping dead at lunchtime. Then Byrd got sick when he heard Teddy was sick. And I thought Byrd was already dead. A Klansman feeling sorry for a drunk driver. Gotta love those Demon-crats!

And don’t be fooled: Cheney was in that wheelchair because his android batteries only last eight years. You can look it up!

My fellow Americans, I fear for our great country, now that it’s being run by this college boy foreigner and the Hair Club Vice President. They aim to turn our noble bald eagle of a nation into one of those carnival chickens that plays the piano – and the tune’ll be written by the Antichrist himself!

Just remember that I will fight the coming evil to the last breath of air in my oxygen tank on wheels!