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BEIJING – China is preparing for war against every other nation in the world.  They are confident they will be victorious.

China is preparing for conflict “in every direction’, the Defense Minister of China,  Guang Wan, said on Wednesday in remarks that threaten to overshadow a visit to Beijing by U.S. Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, next month.

“In the coming five years, our military will push forward with military conflict in every strategic direction,” said Guang Wan in an interview published in several state-backed newspapers in China. “We are living in peaceful times, but we can never be at peace until we are the dominant country in the world.   It is time to bring out the horses and guns,” Mr. Wan said.

Yes, the Chinese are planning to battle other armies of the world with only guns and horses.  “We have the manpower to overcome any nation and any new technology.  Horses, guns and the Chinese desire for a peaceful Chinese world, is enough for us to win the battle,” said Chinese Military Commander, Lo Lang.

The Chinese, however, plan to win the war without fighting a battle.  “When we send over ten million men on horses with guns into other countries – that should be sufficient to get that nation to surrender.  There is no need for bloodshed, no need for war.  Once they see our men,  all countries will simply surrender to the Chinese way of life, which has be proven for thousands of years to be most superior way,” said Lang.

China has repeatedly said over the last year, that it is planning a “peaceful rise” but the recent pace and scale of its military modernization has alarmed many of its neighbors in the Asia-Pacific, including Japan which described China’s military build-up as a “global concern” this month.  The presence of China in South America, Africa, Australia, Europe and in Vatican City has made leaders around the world extremely nervous.

Irish President, William Layman, said that the Irish are ready to fight the Chinese – anywhere, anytime.  “Our people have fought on horses with guns for centuries.  If they step onto the Emerald Isle, they will be defeated.  I, personally, will lead the Irish Army on the battlefield.”

German Defense Minister, George Behning, said that the Germans too would “be ready for any Chinese invasion.”  Unlike President Laymen, Behning will NOT join his troops on the battlefield.

Mr. Wan’s remarks come at a time of increasingly difficult relations between the Chinese and US armed forces which a three-day visit by Robert Gates is intended to address. A year ago China froze substantive military relations in protest at US arms sales to Taiwan and relations deteriorated further this summer when China objected to US plans to deploy one of its nuclear supercarriers, the USS George Washington, into the Yellow Sea off the Korean peninsula.

China also announced this month that it was preparing to launch its own aircraft carrier next year in a signal that China is determined to punch its weight as a rising superpower. The news came a year earlier than many US defense analysts had predicted.

China is also has a “carrier-killing” ballistic missile that could sink US carriers from afar, fundamentally reordering the balance of power in a region that has been dominated by the US since the end of the Second World War.