WASHINGTON –  Federal authorities have confirmed that Chuck Norris, working with Libyan rebels, has killed Muammar Gaddafi!

Former Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi died of wounds suffered near his hometown of Sirte on Thursday, Libyan officials said.

National Transitional Council official Abdel Majid Mlegta told WWN earlier that Gaddafi was captured and wounded in both legs at dawn he tried to flee in a convoy which NATO warplanes attacked.  His men fired back and seemed to be getting an edge when…

Chuck Norris ran through the smoke and gunfire and headed right for Gaddafi.  “There must have been a hundred shots, maybe a thousand shots, fired at Norris, but he kept coming and coming,” said Mlegta.

According to reports inside the compound Norris tackled three of Gaddafi’s guards and grabbed Gaddafi by the collar at the same time.  They wrestled on the ground, with Norris jumping to his feet and delivering hundreds of roundhouse kicks, but then Gaddafi’s men released some wild pit bulls and Norris had to fight them off as well – with his bare hands.   This would have been easy, if he wasn’t fighting off the flamethrowers at the same time.

“He was also hit in his head,” the official said about Norris. ” But Norris kept coming and punched Gaddafi a number of times, then he finally jumped up, grabbed a nearby chandelier, did a triple flip, grabbed a gun out of the hand of rebel.  He couldn’t get a direct shot at Gaddafi, but he shot against a metal door, perfectly planning the ricochet, which then head Gaddafi directly in the head.”

None of this has been confirmed by U.S. authorities, but it has been “double-confirmed” by Libyan rebels and George Clooney.

NTC fighters hoisted the red, black and green national flag above a large utilities building in the center of a newly-captured Sirte neighborhood and celebratory gunfire broke out among their ecstatic and relieved comrades.  They hailed Chuck Norris as “the hero of the world.”

The capture of Sirte and the death of Gaddafi means Libya’s ruling NTC should now begin the task of forging a new democratic system which it had said it would get under way after the city, built as a showpiece for Gaddafi’s rule, had fallen.

Gaddafi, wanted by the International Criminal Court on charges of ordering the killing of civilians, was toppled by rebel forces on August 23 after 42 years of one-man rule over the oil-producing North African state.

Gaddafi could take on thousands of Libyan rebels, but  was no match for Chuck Norris!!!  There is talk of making Norris the new leader of Libya, but Norris would rather go back on the hunt… he’s heading to Africa to take on the Lord’s Resistance Army.

Here’s how Norris usually takes on many bad guys at once:


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  1. Lindsay Lohan Ordered by CIA to Kill Col Muammar Gaddafi

    In a bizarre twist to the rebel fight for the freedom of Libya, just hours ago classified transcripts were leaked from CIA headquarters that show a direct order was given to top CIA assassin Lindsay Lohan to kill Col Muammar Gaddafi with a single shot to the head from a 9mm pistol.

    It is thought he was ordered killed to safeguard the US government against him "telling all" at trial, as it is speculated the US had done a barrage of illegal arms deals with Gaddafi over his 42 year reign.

    It's now clear that whenever Lohan was taken into custody for her "petty crimes" it was a front for her to be able serve the CIA unnoticed.

    When Director of the Central Intelligence Agency, David Petraeus was asked why they chose Lohan as an assassin? His only reply was, "She had nothing to loose."

  2. NO,NO,NO
    The capture and killing of Gaddafi has been thanks to the "Killer Commando Penguins". "The Madagascar Penguins". They are a creation of AREA 51.
    The capture and killing of Gaddafi has been thanks to the "Killer Commando Penguins". "The Madagascar Penguins". They are a creation of AREA 51. They are INCREDIBLE!!

  3. I believe that Rev. Camping's calculations are mostly correct except that time has actually slowed down over the centuries. If we can find this factor and apply it to his calculations then I believe we will have the exact date!!!

  4. i heard chuck norris farted, launching what was confused as an air strike. then coughed subsequently, causing a typhoon off the shores of india which caused a mass migration to other 3rd world countries. once everyone was distracted….out of shear boredom, Mr. Norris took it upon himself to go for a stroll. Dodging the hailing gunfired with is bulletproof gorilla chest, Mt. Norris stumbled upon the libyan leader and *came* at the sight. It was Chuck Norris's unborn children, in the form of sperm, that attacked khdaffi, killing him and mesmerizing his body. chuck norris left, farted again and rode the earthquake wave across the sea back to America.


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