“Go ahead, make my grub,” was intended as the slogan for Clint Eastwood’s cooking show, “The Good, The Canned and The Frozen,” allegedly given the go-ahead by America’s “The Food Channel” earlier this month. After two episodes, the network pulled back until the injured could be airlifted to a hospital. Eastwood, having his last few … READ MORE
“THE WHOLE FAMILY WAS THERE TO MEET HER,” SAYS HER LIVING SISTER. “AWKWARD.” 80-year-old family matriarch Norma Waterston of Wook, Oklahoma, has had her share of surprises over the years, but nothing could have prepared her for the shock she experienced when opening a box from Guanajuato, Mexico. The box arrival was the result of … READ MORE
LONE ATTENDEE EMBARRASSED AND DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED. 27-year-old Miklos Mulrooney thought he had a grand idea. With the country in turmoil over the stock market plummeting, he’d order a flash-mob to descend upon New York City and bring traffic to a halt. He was mighty disappointed when it turned out that he was the only one … READ MORE
Conan to use robots. “It’s a hipper vibe.” Most of the networks’ late-night talk shows, currently on hiatus because of the coronavirus, will be back in production in April, say sources, using audiences composed of inflatable dummies and puppets. Says one network executive, “It’s the safest way to go.” Says stand-up psychologist Dr. Emile Arschloch, … READ MORE
Mysterious mystery writer is in pre-school! Best-selling mystery novelist Cliff Manly, whose book jackets contain no biographical information, has had his identity revealed. In reality, he is three and a half year old William “Skippy” Browning. His identity was accidentally uncovered during a trip with his mom to the supermarket when, sitting in her shopping … READ MORE
MOVE OVER, PENIS FISH! HERE COME THE BUTTS! Last year, California was treated to “penis fish.” Today, on the Florida coast, it’s ‘butt fish!’ In December of last year, a storm brought thousands upon thousands of phallic-looking worms washing ashore in Marin County, California. Called “Penis Fish” by locals, these worms were quickly snatched by … READ MORE
“I got confused,” the first-time robber admits. The sleepy town of Pompeii, Massachusetts was jolted awake, today, when a brazen bank robber burst into the local Wells Fargo bank on Main Street and demanded money. The bank had just opened and there were over three-dozen clients inside. Eagle-eyed bank teller Jason Lloyd spotted the gunman … READ MORE
IT’S A SNARLING BADGER! For three years, now, the mainstream media has been harassing President Donald Trump about not having a family pet. The Fake News reporters would remind him that most presidents have frisky playful dogs running in and out of the White House. The President has dismissed these inquiries with either a smirk … READ MORE
“MCCONNELL BEGAN ONE OF THOSE SPEECHES AND I LOST MY HEAD,” SAYS DEM SENATOR “X.” When Senator Mitch McConnell began one of his monotoned, non-blinking speeches about viruses, one Democratic senator had had enough. “This guy could stop a rampaging elephant herd with his adenoidal drones,” says Democratic Senator “X.” “I couldn’t stand it anymore. … READ MORE
“The kids loved it,” insists Principal The controversial Amityville House Daycare Center is scheduled to be shuttered this week and Principal of the Center and owner of the legendary house is crying foul. “I knew I was sailing into uncharted seas when I thought of this idea two years ago,” says Peter Scribbling, “but I … READ MORE