“IF YOU CAN’T DEPEND ON YOUR GOVERNMENT, YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON MYTHIC CREATURES!” When Weekly World News last left The Jersey Devil, he was rehabilitating himself and his monstrous reputation by conducting tours of the mysterious New Jersey Pine Barrens. “Once the virus hit New Jersey, I was out of a job,” says the … READ MORE
“WHAT IN HADES WAS I THINKING?” SAYS KING. The legendary lost continent of Atlantis, long-thought to be a myth, resurfaced last Thursday in an area of the Atlantic Ocean known as “The Bermuda Triangle.” The King of Atlantis immediately summoned Weekly World News to witness the event. After bringing us to the futuristic land via … READ MORE
SAYS LES MISERABLES: “THEY KEPT ON ASKING FOR ‘FRENCHY’ SONGS!” As a child growing up in Marlboro Heights, Nevada, Les Miserables was very comfortable with his name. “My great, great-grand-daddy, Moe Miserables, actually founded the town, along with his wife and brothers and sisters. Back then, the place was just barren. The miners used it … READ MORE
We’re talking short,” says explorer. “They gnawed on our ankles.” Professor Giles D’Farrtt, an anthropologist, had always been fascinated by the idea of pygmies. “I suppose I became fascinated with ‘little people’ when I was a child. It was right after I read ‘Gulliver’s Travels.’ The Lilliputians, who were tiny human beings, managed to capture … READ MORE
“WE’VE ALREADY PAID FOR THE SCRIPTS, SO WHAT THE HELL,” SAYS EXEC With all live-action shows being shuttered by the major networks and stockpiles of scripts already purchased for the truncated season, rumors are spreading that the networks plan on continuing the season with cartoon versions of the shows. As absurd as anything heard in … READ MORE
LEAD POLICE ON TWO-HOUR LOW-SPEED CHASE! SAYS ONE COP: “THIS MADE O.J.’S GETAWAY LOOK LIKE THE INDY 500!” Milt Brillstein and his wife, Zelda, thought it would be a good time to take their vintage 1971 Cutlass convertible out for a drive on a sunny California day. “We’ve been sheltering at home for weeks,” says … READ MORE
WHEN TOLD OF HIS MISTAKE, HE RESPONDS: “I THOUGHT IT SEEMED WEIRD…BUT, WITH TRUMP?” Police in Lemming, Arizona fielded a phone call from furloughed math teacher Ambrose Bisonette asking why he had to stay home and wash hams during his voluntary isolation. They sent a patrol car to his house. There the bandana-wearing 45-year-old was … READ MORE
Exterminators are stymied! “What were we going to do? Shoot them?” When Phil and Amelia Larson bought their cottage home in Santa Monica, the newlyweds thought that they had found the perfect place to start a family. A 1926 craftsman home, it boasted two bedrooms – one bedroom left bare for a baby they both … READ MORE
“IT WASN’T THE VIRUS,” SAYS PRODUCER. “IT WAS THE SHOW.” The Hyman Group has pulled the plug on the long-awaited “The Passion of the Christ On Ice” Easter tour. “Thank God for the pandemic,” says producer Dick Hyman. “It saved us from the critics.” Receiving complete funding from an Evangelical mega-church, Hyman was positive he … READ MORE
OTHER SHOWS TO FOLLOW SUIT As America grapples with the coronavirus outbreak, a small army of medical TV shows is donating masks, gowns and other supplies to local hospitals in order to help during this time of great shortage. Such shows as “Grey’s Anatomy,” “The Resident,” “Station 19,” “The Good Doctor” and “New Amsterdam” are … READ MORE