NYC FLASH MOB DISRUPTS NOTHING

LONE ATTENDEE EMBARRASSED AND DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED.

27-year-old Miklos Mulrooney thought he had a grand idea. With the country in turmoil over the stock market plummeting, he’d order a flash-mob to descend upon New York City and bring traffic to a halt. He was mighty disappointed when it turned out that he was the only one to show up.

Says Mulrooney, “I have to admit, I don’t follow the news a lot, what with gaming, dating sites, porn and watching trailers to movies, so I was totally unprepared for the news that there was a virus among us. I thought this would be a great way to say ‘F.U.’ to the military-industrial complex. I was shocked and embarrassed by the turnout. Me.”

MIKLOS MULROONEY

HIS BIG MOMENT

He ran out of the 42nd Street Subway station shouting and yelling and using an air horn.

“I figured there’d be hundreds of people there,” he says. “I ran out into the middle of Times Square, confident I’d have all those people at my back. Instead, I was greeted by an empty city. A bus almost hit me.

“Some guy wearing a facemask darted out into the street and pulled me out of danger,” he continues, “and told me about this gnarly virus going down. It blew me away. It was like: ‘Dude! Are you serious?’

“He showed me a bunch of newspapers and I was all like, ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me?’ I could have saved subway fare!”

Discouraged, he tramped back to the subway station. “Now, I’m going to have to go home to my parents’ house. I live in Mom’s basement. She’s gonna yell at me like hell. ‘Why don’t you read the news like other people? What’s with all the crumpled Kleenex in your room?’

“Okay,” he says, “The world is gonna be transformed by this. But what’s worse? I might have to get a job and I understand that’s gonna be real hard right now.”

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