ED ANGER SAYS: LET'S INVADE ARGENTINA!

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I’m madder than a rabid llama about what’s been going on in Argentina!
It’s bad enough Governor Sanford told a bunch of lies, disappeared for a week, then got caught with his pants down around the Panama Canal. I guess “hiking up the Appalachian Trail” means something different when he says it…
Now we get to hear Sanford’s sexy computer messages to his girlfriend in Argentina. My face is redder than a champion radish! I don’t know what “tan lines” are but I don’t think they’re in the Bible.
Then it turns out old Bill Clinton was in this Argentina place at exactly the same time, hanging out at some strip club.
I don’t see the point of getting to be a two-term President of the United States of America if you still have to pay to get your jollies at the Pussycat Peeler Bar & Organ Emporium.
And why a foreign strip club? I’ve heard of “free trade” but this is ridiculous.
Aren’t red blooded (and plastic boobed) American women good enough for our politicians anymore? Patriotic pulchritudinous ladies across these United States should be livid about this new kind of outsourcing.
I say we do like Margaret Thatcher and invade Argentina. OK, our excuse for invading is even crazier than Thatcher’s, but she got away with it.
Her approval ratings shot way up! (Are you listening, Teleprompter Kid?)
We need to revenge all the fine American females who’re being pushed aside in favor of Buenos Aires bimbos.
I say we send in Navy Seal snipers to take out all the fake boobs in Argentina! The war will have the added bonus of ticking off that fat, stupid weirdo Hugo Chavez guy who lives next door.
Let Operation Infinite Bust-ice begin!

12 thoughts on “ED ANGER SAYS: LET'S INVADE ARGENTINA!”

  1. Absolutely right, Ed. One question – have you ever been to Panama? I know, Governor Sanford went to Argentina. And in your article you asked the appropriate question – why go all the way to Argentina? Well, the answer lies (or, lays) in the natural and sometimes surgically enhanced beauty of the Latin American women. Here in Panama just walking down the street can be a hazardous undertaking because you find yourself staring at the incredibly beautiful women who are literally everywhere, at your own peril because you risk walking into a phone pole or a ditch or something. The secret is this – the "Women's Lib" movement never really took hold here. Average, every day women on the street still hold themselves to a higher standard of public appearance. Men here (where "Macho" is still perfectly enforce) are practically expected to whistle and make cat-calls at the hottest women as they walk by. And the girls will openly frown (but then secretly smile) as they walk by. And those are just the normal girls. Here in Panama prostitution is officially illegal but quietly accepted and actually promoted through massage parlors, escort services, and strip clubs. And the girls who work in these facilities, usually imports from places like Colombia and sporting every surgically enhanced "tune up" ever devised, will practically give you a spontaneous aneurysm should you pass them on the street during daylight hours. So, guys like Sanford and Clinton and thousands of other red-blooded, Viagra swilling American men come down here every year on things like (quote) "golfing" (unquote) trips with their buddies, but in reality they are just following the oldest calling in the world. So, I invited you to come on down sometime, and if you do let me know. I'll show you around so you can see what's the hubbub, bud.

  2. Ed — This is brilliant. You are right. It would put some heat on Hugo if we were living next door. The British invaded and got away without a scratch. Plus they have good steaks there that we could bring to the states and eat.

  3. never been to argentina.
    can someone inform as to whether their strip clubs are all nude or just topless?
    frommer's is unable to tell me.

  4. FallenSouth: I understand that this last time was his 3rd or 4th depending on reports. The first two (or three) were actually legitimate state business. This last trip was self-funded.
    I'm not sure whether three or four count as "tons". Maybe.

  5. ElRonaldo: Calm down. This article was tongue-in-cheek sarcasm. No one is seriously blaming South American women.
    It sounds as if you believe someone has questioned your regional (?) or ethnic (?) honor. Do you honestly believe that South American men have never made a similar, what you call, despicable choice?

  6. All of you are totally missing the main point here which is Sanford's despicable choices.
    You also have obviously missed the dialog among honest, authentic American males about how most south american women are vastly preferable to the spoiled american princess-zillas.
    If you feel you must attack south american women when the real issue is moral choices, then you are just as pussy-whipped as american bridezilllas want you to be. Congratulations.

  7. Argentina invading the Falkland Islands caused Govenor Sanford to have an affair? You conspiracy theory guys always crack me up.

  8. you're all a bunch of idiots for reading ed anger.this is the first and last time I ever read this moron!!I could feel my brain cells turn to mush as I read this pablum.worse than rush limburger

  9. Im by using a very little issue I cant subscribe your feed, Im using google reader fyi. My mate and that I have been just talking over this excellent topic, she happens to be regularly endeavouring to prove me incorrect! i'll show her this sort of post let alone rub it within the little!

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