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I’m madder than Matt Lauer whose run out of Rogaine! Who needs scary movies at the drive-in when we’re living in terror every day? I’m talking about Joe Biden being next in line for the Oval Office!

The Hair Club for Men Vice President keeps getting wackier. I didn’t think it was possible! Heck, I didn’t think it was possible he’d get this close to the White House. Remember way back when Joe talked himself out of a spot on the Presidential ticket, by making up stories and stealing some English guy’s speeches?

No wonder: when Joe uses his own words, it’s a disaster.

He just told everybody not to take the subway or fly in airplanes, cuz they might get that Mexican flu. First off, everybody knows you can only get that new flu from eating spicy tacos. (Ever eaten spicy tacos? How do you feel later? See?!)

Thank God nobody listens to Joe, or else the airline industry would’ve collapsed. A flock of geese have more damage in that regard than the Vice President, which is a sad commentary when you think about it.

Nope, we’ve learned not to listen to Joe unless we want a laugh. Like that time he told the guy in a wheelchair to “stand up and take a bow”. Too bad Joe’s boss wasn’t there – maybe he could’ve healed the guy!

Fact is, Joe’s hair plugs go all the way into his brain, and were put in by A-rab secret agents to make him do funny stuff and remind us how goofy he is. That way nothing will ever happen to the Teleprompter Kid!

The idea of “President Biden” is enough to keep Obama safe and sound!