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MICHELLE OBAMA: TURN OFF THE INTERNET!


WASHINGTON – Michelle Obama wants kids to get out and play, but how? By turning off the internet!

Americans are without a doubt addicted to the internet. US citizens spend, on average, close to 65 hours a month, per person, surfing the web. Some case studies have shown that certain regions of the US spend as much as 10 hours a day online and that usage is not work related.

With childhood obesity steadily on the rise and Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! program gaining little traction, the White House had decided to kick their efforts up a notch by turning off the internet. The information super-highway will not be shut of permanently, only on Sundays. The switch will be flipped at midnight on Sunday and be turned back on at midnight on Monday.

The First Lady came up with the idea after hearing that Egypt had turned the internet off nationwide earlier today. The Egyptians took this dramatic action not in order to get their children off of their behinds but rather in an attempt to silence the protests and demonstrations calling for the end of President Hosni Mubarak’s rule. Other countries such as China and Iran have made similar efforts to silence the voices of the internet as well, but Egypt is the first to successfully shut down all of the country’s connections.

The White House is assuring the American public that the once a week shut down will not have a negative effect on the country’s struggling economy as most businesses are closed on Sundays anyway.

“We have done extensive research on the matter and have concluded that the majority of businesses are closed on Sundays because people are attending church in the morning, grocery shopping the afternoon, and watching TV in the evening. No one is going to miss the internet on Sundays. The majority of Americans will not even realize that it is turned off,” said a White House representative at a press conference this morning.

However, many internet retailers are outraged over the news.

“This is completely un-American,” said Brian Fellow, owner of an Etsy shop that sells hand made Amish swimwear.

Internet retail giant Amazon.com is already filing a law suite against the US government, citing that the government is unjustly restricting their ability to do business.

The youth of America is dumb struck by the news as well.

“First Facebook now the entire internet, my life is going to pieces,” said Tammy Swanson, a sophomore at McCaskey East High School.

White house representatives have not given a specific date for the first internet free Sunday but sources believe that it will be within the next 6 months.