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I’d be pig-biting mad but I can’t afford a hog – or a new set of dentures!

The Communist-in-Chief says his new plans have saved thousands of jobs, and he’s telling the truth (for once!). But they’re all government jobs!
Those idiots can’t get fired anyhow. And government jobs aren’t even real jobs. More like life long vacations in an ugly office full of stupid people.

As the great Ronald Reagan used to say, “Government is not the solution to our problem. Government is the problem.” We pay government bureaucrats almost half our money to do stuff we’re perfectly capable of doing ourselves for free, like losing important pieces of paper and not answering the phone.

That’s why the real way to fix the economy is to cut our taxes, and we can cut our taxes by getting rid of all those crazy do-nothing government jobs.

First, let’s shut down NASA. I call it NO-SAW. We’re been at it forty years, and a jillion dollars later, NASA hasn’t come up with one single solitary blue, bigheaded spaceman. All we’ve got for our money is Tang and a box of rocks.

After all those neat movies I watched as a kid, the real outer space turned out to be damn boring – just boulders in the sky with nothing on them. Not even Zsa-Zsa Gabor in a lime green mini skirt and pointy brassiere.

Some mice get a really pricey plane ride twice a year, assuming they don’t get blown up. OK, OK – the Earth looks really pretty from far away and you can float up in space. We get that.

If I was Teleprompter Jesus, I’d tell NO-SAW they’ve got 24 hours to show us some little green men or every McDonald’s in the country’s gonna have rocket scientists asking, “You want fries with that?”