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I’m madder than Sigmund Freud with a busted stogie about that crazy woman at the New York Times!

I hear through the computer machine that that stupid paper printed a story about ladies having dirty dreams about the new Communist-in-Chief.

I thought maybe it was a lie. After all, the New York Slimes is always putting out made up stories, when it’s not ignoring real ones – like that one fellow covering up Commie mass murders, and winning that big Pull Your Leg Prize for his troubles.

But this new story looks legit! Seems all these ladies are daydreaming about the Teleprompter Kid. I tell you: their stories made this old veteran of Pork Chop Hill turn a new shade of crimson.

Listen up, all you (real) red, white and blue-blooded American ladies (New York Slimes scribblers don’t count) – you aren’t supposed to have funny thoughts about the President, not even a pretty much fake one like the Communist-in-Chief.

Did our foremothers dream of running their fingers through George Washington’s powdered wig? Or squeezing into the tub with Taft? Did they giggle when they said “Herbert Hoover”?

No, they did not. They were too busy milking cows and scrubbing floors and doing all the things ladies are supposed to do. They certainly weren’t writing silly stories for the New York Slimes and getting each other all worked up! And over what? That scrawny jug- eared whippersnapper with the funny name!

Mrs. America, you’d best quit your daydreaming and get back to your needlepoint. From now on, do your duty: close your eyes and remember the Alamo!