MAN USES MUMMY WRAPPINGS WHEN HE RUNS OUT OF TP

“IMAGINE OUR EMBARRASSMENT WHEN THE MUMMY WOKE UP!” SAYS THE MAN. Last March, when orders went out for people to voluntarily self-quarantine themselves as the pandemic began to spread across America, Hank Heimlich didn’t think twice about it. Living in a lovely brownstone in Manhattan’s Upper West Side with his two children, Melinda (aged 9) … READ MORE

BEACHED WHALE FOUND IN NEW JERSEY BASEMENT

“WE BLAME CLIMATE CHANGE,” SAYS POLICE A 125,000 pound beached whale was discovered, today, in a basement rec room in a Sea Bright, New Jersey home. The home’s owner, Mr. Josh Ornry, knew something was amiss last week, went he tried to enter the basement but was blocked by the massive whale carcass. “At first, … READ MORE

THE KEYS TO REOPENING – SAL DONATO

Sal and His Piano (With a Little Help From a Friend) Are Beginning to See the Light. Sal Donato took Memorial Day off, in a sense. He stayed home and thought about the sacrifices made by service people and first responders.  Midway through the afternoon, calmed by the pleasant sounds of birds, he called Boyce Day, Weekly … READ MORE

WORLD’S STRONGEST GRANDMA!

Rock-hard 88-year-old can kick butt! Great-grandmother Becky Thompson is in super shape – because she pumps iron four hours every day! The gray-haired Canadian great-grandma can jerk an incredible 210 pounds and can bench press 275 pounds for 7 reps.  And she does it being only 5 feet, 5 inches tall, weighing only 135 pounds. … READ MORE

SKIPPING STRAIGHT TO 8G

Get Ready For Speed! The big winner at this year’s Device and Technology Expo (DTE), held in late February, wasn’t a new phone, or a smart TV, or a video doorbell. It was the newest data-transfer standard for all mobile devices. After a roughly decade on 4G, and a decade before that on 3G, the … READ MORE

HERE COMES KING KOW!

SAYS STUNNED DAIRY FARMER: “I THINK IT WAS SOMETHING IN THE WATER.” When rumors starting flying about a giant gorilla-cow hybrid, Weekly World News was the first on the scene. We zeroed in on the McGann Dairy Farm, a 2,000-acre spread in Nummer, Wisconsin. As we pulled up to the expansive farm, we saw dozens … READ MORE

LANA DEL REY’S NEW ALBUM “QUESTION FOR THE CULTURE”

Artists are always looking for new ways to get the word out about their latest work. The Rolling Stones played on 5th Ave, Michael Jackson sailed down the Thames, and now Lana Del Ray is propelling stereotypes of misogynoir! Lana Del Rey is famous for coming from money her melancholy pop music. She’s known for … READ MORE