The thunder of Zeus be upon you, O mortals! The President has declared energy reform to be nonnegotiable. And yet I, the great god of the sea, wait for the prayer phone to ring.

The ringtone to my prayer phone is the sirens’ song.  It’s been two thousand years, mortals, and I’m beginning to think they will not sing for me.

How you have lost your way, seafarers.  How your monotheism and scientific revolution and liberal democratic government have forsaken we Olympians.  Do you no longer see our greatness?  Has my eternal glory become somehow less eternal?

You wish to end your dependence on foreign oil, curb the effects of global warming, and create jobs for recession-weary Americans?  Begin with the gods, mortals.  Begin by rekindling the millennia-old flame of my celebrity.  Pray to the king among kings, the lord of the fjord, the god with the most cod.

I carried the triremes to Troy, mortals.  I brought Ulysses home eventually.  The great Pericles himself kneeled before my image and worshipped me, before dying of an entirely unrelated plague.  I bring fortune and glory wherever I go.

Reform your pitiful energy laws if you so choose, mortals.  Tentatively begin to alter the course of the behemoth oil tanker known as America.  But know that my depths surround you, and that my seas are ever rising.  And recognize that whether or not you worship me, my godly power and everlasting fame are not negotiable.

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  1. As a loyal follower of your niece Athena, I refuse to convert to the Temple of Poseidon. Also, his claim to have brought Odysseus (Ulysses) home is blatantly false. The Great Athena of the Grey Eyes was responsible for that mariner's safe homecoming. According to Homer, Poseidon tried to hinder him!

    When faced with difficult decisions, humanity should always ask "What Would Athena Do?" (WWAD.)

  2. I was just going to say something similar, but reflected that the blog was written by an ignorant mortal. The Lord Poseidon would have said something rather pointed about New Orleans… but heck, the spirit is right. What America needs is some of that Ole Time Religion.


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