NEW YORK, NY – NHL commissioner Gary Bettman refuted claims today that hockey will not contract its league, despite current economic woes.
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3 SUGGESTED MASTER’S THESES
Drowning in books? Don’t know where to start? Here’s three easy ways to get a graduate degree!
TATTOO BARBIE GETS DUMPED
MALIBU, CA – Shocking the world today, Barbie and Ken have split up. In a press conference, Ken said it’s because of the tattoos.
THE SECRET TO SIX PACK ABS
NEW YORK— A team of trainers has announced over the course of every issue of Men’s Health magazine that abdominal definition is possible for the average newsstand shopper.
ASTEROID MISSES EARTH
SYDNEY – A 200-foot wide asteroid whizzed by Earth yesterday, narrowly missing us by 40,000 miles. But now a pair of aliens are coming forward to take the blame!
PENTHOUSE CLOSING
LOS ANGELES, CA – Penthouse is closing its doors for good and canceling its magazine. Free online pornography is believed to have dealt the deathblow to the publishing giant.
ELONGATED SKULLS DISCOVERED
OMSK, RUSSIA – Archaeologists have found a set of elongated skulls buried in Siberia. But this is not the first time these odd relics have been found.
LIMBAUGH AND STEELE MUD WRESTLE
WASHINGTON, DC – At this year’s CPAC, Rush Limbaugh and Michael Steele attempted to settle their feud over Republican Party leadership with a mud wrestling match.
MILEY CYRUS A-ROD MOVIE?
BURBANK, CA – ESPN’s parent company, Walt Disney, is in discussions to create a made-for-TV movie about the rise and fall of Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez.
DR. SEUSS TRIVIA
In honor of his birthday, Weekly World News presents 15 strange facts about Dr. Seuss that you may have never heard before!