THE REAL REASON FOR GLOBAL WARMING
The cause of global warming – otherwise known as “climate change” – has been a source of great contention for years. Scientists attribute it to mankind’s flooding the environment with fluorocarbons, while non-scientists blame it on a natural cycle. But astronomers recently discovered the REAL reason – teenage space aliens stealing Earth’s glaciers for party ice!
“This is one of the most momentous discoveries in the history of history,” crowed Arnold Phelps, of the renowned Interplanetary Geological Society.
Our research indicates they come from the planet Gloxx,” Phelps noted. “It’s a very tight-wound world, with very conservative values. So in 1975, the youth there found out that every Spring tens of thousands of youths on Earth descend on Fort Lauderdale for Spring Break. They learned that the teens on Earth revel in debauchery during this break. A group of the alien teens decided, ‘Let’s go!’”
Phelps says the teens hot-wired a family rocket ship, spray-painted “Fort Lauderdale or Bust” across the length, and jetted to Florida where they got no action whatsoever.
“They’re only 2 ½ feet tall, green, and hideous looking. Even girls who normally like ‘freaks,’ the Gloxx teens were too much,” says Phelps.
If anything, this made the space teens more anxious to bring the party home to their homeworld, where they could impress Gloxx’ females. But although Gloxx scientists have perfected interplanetary space travel, they never learned how to artificially create “ice,” so the Gloxx teens were somewhat distraught.
“Then someone informed them that while there wasn’t ice on the scale that they needed in Fort Lauderdale, there was tons of ice just hanging out not doing anything in Antarctica,” Phelps notes.
“The next thing you know, the teens are at the North Pole breaking up glaciers and shipping them back to Gloxx. Outer space is freezing, so the glaciers arrived basically intact.”
TEENS GONE WILD?
Apparently, the ice had the intended effect. Shortly after, other Gloxx teens began making regular trips to Antarctica to abscond with Earth ice.
Phelps grimaces. “I’m not a party-pooper. When I was their age I was a party animal, believe me. But this behavior is causing great disasters on our planet, so it must be stopped.”
Phelps convened a special meeting of the Interplanetary Geological Society to decide what action to take.
“We sent an interplanetary note to their parents to order their children to stop stealing our glaciers. And if they don’t, then we’ll be forced to discipline them ourselves.”
Phelps conceded that this revelation of the cause of global warming had one bright spot.
“Now that we know that man-made activity is not the cause, we can pollute the atmosphere as much as we want.”