VATICAN CITY – What was to be a diplomatic mission became a controversial event when Pope Benedict XVI performed an impromptu exorcism on Nancy Pelosi!
Speaker of the House of Representatives, Democrat Nancy Pelosi, was in Italy this week to meet with the Pontiff to discuss many
secular issues that are scheduled for debate on the floor of the House this year.
Spokespeople for both Speaker Pelosi and the Vatican confirmed prior to the meeting that abortion, marriage equality, stem cell research, adoption, and doctor-assisted suicide were all on the docket for discussion.
It is not known which topics were covered prior to the meeting’s unscheduled turn of events.
“Madam Speaker is very much lookign forward to meeting with his Holiness,” Pelosi’s press secretary said in a written statement to reporters prior to the event. “She expects a respectful, lively and productive meeting.”
“As a devout Catholic, she is strongly invested in the Pope’s opinion and wisdom.”
Details of the exorcism have not yet been released, but it is believed that the Pope performed the highly unorthodox procedure without the assistance of aides or other Church officials.
Religious experts and political pundits alike have expressed extreme surprise that a routine meeting between an American Politician and the Pope would end in an exorcism.
“This is unheard of, and to be quite frank, shocking,” political analyst and legal expert Jeffrey Toobin said. “Popes have been meeting with Democrats and Republicans for years, and even when they disagree on issues it remains an open discussion.”
“Never before has a Pope taken such drastic measures in an attempt to tip the scales of American policy making.”
While the events have been met with shock and open criticism throughout the secular world, not everyone is displeased.
“I was delighted to hear about Nancy’s exorcism,” Louisiana Governor and fellow exorcist Bobby Jindal said. “I can only assume that she acquired her Leftist beliefs from the Devil himself living inside of her. Festering in her body and warping her mind.”
“Speaker Pelosi should be much more helpful to the American people now that the Pope has rid her of the Devil.”
“I look forward to meeting with her and sharing ideas, perhaps at the monthly gatherings.”
Asked whether he was referring to Republican meetups or gatherings for people involved in exorcisms, Jindal replied, “Oh, either. Its mostly the same crowd.”