(And if you don’t like it, go hug a liberal pumpkin, you snowflake!) Listen up, you candy-hoarding, fog-machine-fondling freaks of the night! It’s October 31, 2025, and here I am, hunkered down in my bunker with a shotgun loaded with rock salt and a bowl of plain old Hershey bars . The kind of bars … READ MORE
Folks, it’s your ol’ pal Dotti here, sippin’ swamp water from a Bigfoot boot and channelin’ wisdom straight from the ghost of Elvis’s gold-plated UFO. The world’s gone madder than a three-eyed cat in a laser pointer factory this October—Trump’s tweetin’ from the moon, climate change turned Florida into a giant kiddie pool, and AI’s … READ MORE
What in tarnation has happened to America? Back in my day, college sports were about amateur glory, school spirit. And maybe a free education if you didn’t flunk out. Now, thanks to this cockamamie House v. NCAA settlement that’s got schools shelling out billions, these overgrown kids are raking in cash hand over fist! A … READ MORE
MY FAKE VIDEO ADDICT HUSBAND Dear Dotti:My hubby is obsessed with this new AI video generator trend that’s blowing up everywhere. He spends all day making fake videos of me dancing with aliens or wrestling Bigfoot, and now our neighbors think I’m some kind of intergalactic freak show. Last week, he generated one where I’m … READ MORE
SHUTDOWN CITY Dear Dotti,With the government shutdown dragging on like a bad acid trip, my paycheck’s vanished faster than Elvis at a sighting convention, and my kids are demanding Fortnite V-Bucks while we eat ramen flavored with regret. How do I keep the family from mutiny? — Starving in Shutdown City Dear Starving: Oh, honey, … READ MORE
I’m madder than a bobcat with a burr in its butt about this whole renaming hooey with the Department of Defense! You heard right, folks—they’re finally calling it what it is: the Department of War! About darn time! For years, I’ve been screaming from the rooftops that we need to stop pussyfooting around with these … READ MORE
Folks, this is Ed Anger here, and I’m so steamed up I could fry an egg on my forehead. Or better yet, roast a weenie over the flames of my fury! For years, we’ve let these long-haired, America-hating weirdos run around torching Old Glory like it’s some kinda backyard barbecue prop for their tofu skewers. … READ MORE
Folks, I’m so steamed I could boil a bald eagle’s bathwater! This week, some fancy-pants chess whiz named Magnus Carlsen—who sounds like he oughta be selling Swedish meatballs—beat another brainiac, Hikaru Nakamura, in some hoity-toity “Esports World Cup” chess match. And get this: they didn’t even touch a real chessboard! Nope, these eggheads were clicking … READ MORE
Born in Oklahoma City, Bill Hoyland grew up with a transistor radio in one hand and a restless pen in the other. From an early age, he absorbed a kaleidoscope of musical voices—ranging from the twang of Willie Nelson to the soul-deep storytelling of Nelson Williams, from the poetic gravitas of Leonard Cohen to the … READ MORE
Well, folks, strap yourselves in because I’m madder than a wet hen in a hurricane about this Jerome Powell character and his clown show at The Fed! This guy’s been running the Federal Reserve like it’s his personal piggy bank. And I’m here to tell you, it’s time to give this numbskull the boot faster … READ MORE