I’m madder than a couch potato with a busted remote! It’s bad enough Obama made me get rid of my old TV, when the government switched everybody over to some fancy new system last Friday.
They were supposed to send me a check to cover a new one, but it got lost in the mail. (I guess when the government runs the hospitals like they run the post office and the check-sending-out, they’ll lose my new kidney, too.)
Luckily I bought a new plasmatic TV beforehand. Never let it be said that old Ed isn’t prepared for every eventuality, like all good Americans. Unlike those lazy dolts in New Orleans, I don’t have to loot myself a new TV in an emergency!
I’ve had my new plasmatic TV switched on FOX News ever since Obama got himself elected. But the Teleprompter Kid is on TV so damn much that HIS FACE IS BURNED INTO MY TV SCREEN!
When I turn the damn thing off – which isn’t too often, but still – there’s the Communist-in-Chief’s mug, staring back at me like a ghost!
Dammit, I can’t get away from Obama even if I want to. Like some commie dictator, he’s on my TV 24/7!
Now if I was a Papist, I’d think this was some kind of miracle, like seeing Jesus in a burrito. But I’m a REAL Christian and this looks more like the work of Satan!
If only I didn’t hate Catholics so much, I could get one of their priests to come over and exercise my television. But then they’d make me pray to the Pope or something!
Obama is this close to making me go to hell, my fellow Americans! When will this madness end?