I’m as mixed up as a she-goat at a Taliban stag party!

Now look: nobody hates Hollywood as much as I do. The place is run by America-bashing, draft dodging, drug crazed hippies. I haven’t seen a really good picture since The Green Berets.

Most of the time, Hollywood getting nuked would put a smile on my face. But now I hear that Achmed Dirtybad in Iran is mad about movies they’ve been making. He wants Hollywood to say sorry — or else!

I thought maybe he wanted them to say sorry for Howard the Duck. Turns out he’s mad about that cartoon soldier movie, where they made some old timey king look like a fairy. Also that new wrestler movie shows a guy tearing up an Iranian flag. Hell, I didn’t even know they had one. I figured they just ran a goat up a flagpole.

These idiots hostagized us back in the 70s and been killing people ever since, and I don’t hear THEM saying sorry. Nope, instead our new Communist-in-Chief sent a bunch of movie stars over there to make nice with Achmed Dirtybad – on my dime, too!

Funny thing is, if he took those Hollywood bigwigs hostage, nobody back in the U. S. of A. would care. Instead of wearing yellow ribbons, this time we’d put up signs that said YOU CAN KEEP ‘EM!

Besides, if anybody’s gonna nuke Hollywood, it should be America. We’ve already got too many foreigners doing our dirty work. Or we could nuke Iran before they nuke us. Hell, it’s just a bunch of sand anyhow – who’d notice the difference?

Anyhow, I’ve got this funny feeling we’re gonna see a new TV show any day now called “Everybody Loves Achmed! (Or Else)”.  Don’t you?