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I’m madder than Richard Petty with a flat tire over all the talk about lowering the speed limit on the U.S. highways. Just a few years ago we were able to move the speed limit up to 70 m.p.h. but now some Nervous Nellies want to push it back to 55 m.p.h.

These chickens have some fancy study showing that when people lose control of their cars they’ll flip over two extra times if they’re going 70 instead of 55. I say instead of lowering the speed limit they should RAISE it. I think 100 m.p.h. is a nice round figure, but if your car has 140 on its speedometer, I say go for it.

Americans love speed – we always have and always will. Back in the days of the covered wagon, the only pioneers who survived were the ones fast enough to outrun the Indians. And why did Henry Ford invent the car in the first place? He once summed it up to a reporter in five simple words, “I wanted to go faster.”

It seems to me that the only people who don’t want to go faster are blue-haired geezer gals who always seem to poke along in front of me going about 25 m.p.h. straddling the middle line on the highway. Imagine how these old ladies will feel when they see me coming at them going 100 m.p.h. It might scare them into their senses and teach them to clear off the road once and for all.

And forget about people telling you that fast speeds aren’t safe. The simple fact is if you’re driving 100 m.p.h., you get wherever you’re going a lot faster than if you’re lollygagging along at 30 m.p.h. And when you get where you’re going, you’re off the road. And friends, when you’re not on the road, you won’t be involved in any accidents.

And you’d better believe that policemen and state troopers would love to see us raise the speed limits. Hey, cops love going fast, too – and when they’re chasing down a speeder, they want a chance to see how fast their patrol car can go.