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LOS ANGELES, CA – Sources report that you can expect little waiting time for some of today’s most dramatic rides.The emotional roller coaster is always open for business and can accommodate as many as six billion passengers per trip.  There is no height requirement, and guests are encouraged to bring their families and friends along with them,

The ride has seen an increase in business since the closing of the financial merry-go-round, but is well-equipped to handle the overflow.  Admission is one personal crisis ticket, payable at the door.

It is not recommended that pregnant women or people suffering from a heart condition board the roller coaster, but there is nonetheless a car at the front reserved for them.  Parents with small children are warned that they knew what they were getting into.

Dizziness, nausea, sudden elation, and a sinking sense of despair are natural when riding.  If the symptoms become overwhelming, simply close your eyes, breathe deeply, and engage in prolonged, expensive, and ineffective therapy.

Please enjoy the enjoyable portions of the roller coaster.  Remember to exit only when the ride has come to a complete stop, and then as quickly as possible, because it will be starting again soon.