MOBILE, AL – On April 15th, patriots will meet all over this nation to celebrate Tax Day by staging massive tea parties. The tea of choice on the menu – money!
Following in the conservative footprints of New American Tea founder, Rick Santelli, many Americans have decided to signal their displeasure with government spending, specifically the bailouts of selfish, ignorant home mortgage holders, by refusing to pay the government any taxes they owe on their 2008 returns.
Rather, they will steep that money for 1-3 minutes, depending on taste, and drink it down, savoring its patriotic flavor.
Speaking to a group of supporters, Santelli said, “Americans are finally waking up! They can see with their own eyes what our government is trying to do with our tax money! We can’t be fooled by the news networks who are in the pocket of the Obama Administration. I don’t care that they say the Dow is up every day for the last week.”
“Where are my Dow points? Huh?! Can I buy another car with Dow points? Can I pay rent on my Madison Avenue Condo with Dow points?! NO!”
“But I can with my tax dollars! Which is exactly why I, like tens of other patriots around this great nation, will refuse to pay any more taxes for 2008! We are going to drink it instead! Americans know how to use and spend their money better than the government. This is proof positive of that!”
Protests are scheduled for Mobile, Alabama, Palm Beach, Florida, and Cleveland, Ohio, among one or two other locations.
However, the Palm Beach event has not been confirmed yet because organizers have not been able to raise the 500 dollars necessary to acquire a permit.
“All the money available for the event has already been tied up in the tea,” Ralph King, event organizer told reporters.
“Its literally tied up. We bought cheese cloth and twine and put our money inside. Steve from Steve’s Hardware on Main Street tied them off. And anyone who knows Steve, knows that guy can sure tie a knot.”
Check out the swinging anthem protesters will be singing come April 15th: