DJIBOUTI – The Somali pirates, renegade Somalis known for hijacking ships for ransom in the Gulf of Aden, are negotiating a purchase of Citigroup.
The pirates would buy Citigroup with new debt and their existing cash stockpiles, earned most recently from hijacking numerous ships, including most recently a $200 million Saudi Arabian oil tanker. The Somali pirates are offering up to $0.10 per share for Citigroup, pirate spokesman Sugule Ali said earlier today.
The negotiations have entered the final stage. Ali stated, “You may not like our price, but we are not in the business of paying for things. Be happy we are in the mood to offer the shareholders anything at all.”
The pirates will finance part of the purchase by selling new Pirate Ransom Backed Securities. The PRBS’s are backed by future ransom payments from hijackings in the Gulf of Aden. Moody’s and S&P have already issued their top investment grade ratings for the PRBS’s.
Head pirate Ubu Kalid Shandu said, “We need a bank so that we have a place to keep all of our ransom money. Thankfully, the dislocations in the capital markets have allowed us to purchase Citigroup at an attractive valuation and to take advantage of TARP capital to grow the business even faster.”
Shandu added, “We don’t call ourselves pirates. We’re coast guards. This will just allow us to guard our coasts better.”
[...] It now appears that the Pirates have bigger ambitions than hijacking. They plan to acquire Citibank. [...]
[...] Ia nu va mai plangeti ca e criza, ca citibank e pe cale sa fie achizitionata de pirati. [...]
[...] call ourselves pirates. We
makes sense to me, well where else could they keep all that cash?
[...] Northrup I’m not sure what it says about me that I read the Weekly World News headline “Somali Pirates to Acquire Citibank” and just sort of shrugged. (It’s not true, of course.) Posted in Weird news [...]
Nice blog! but i don’t agree with you… i would do it a little differently. Even so it’s a good point you have there.
Greets
[...] austríaco) parecía ser solvente. Sin embargo, he visto otra en la que se habla de la posible compra de Citigroup por parte de los piratas somalíes, con una oferta de 0,10€ la acción, en parte financiada con el botín de los asaltos y en parte [...]
That would be hilarious and bizarre if that were to happen. I'm not sure on how they plan a hostile takeover of the board if they were in power. This is similar to the story of Hu Jintao buying Apple.