CHICAGO, IL – Octuplet Grandpa Ed Doud appeared on Oprah this week to announce his new product line for parents of multiple children: Octo-tots. He claims to have created the line to help support his daughter and the growing number of parents like her.
Items will include double-decker stretch-strollers with optional solar panels and Segway attachment. In some states this stroller will require its own license plate and a special classification driver’s license.
Find Me Mommy earrings are enabled with GPS technology. With the included palm sized screen a parent will be able to know where all of their tagged children are at any given time. The program can also be downloaded as an iPhone application, and they are still working on ways to keep this from enabling predators.
The Octo-bjorn will allow parents to carry up to eight children at once while keeping their hands free. Mr. Doud tried one on during the show, and members of the audience seemed mildly excited to hear they would each be receiving one.
The Sugar Sweet Sunshine Multi-Channel Closed Circuit Tv Baby Monitor will allow parents to watch multiple children at once. Nadya Suleman will not need one however since she shares a room with all sixteen of her children.
Baby Beddy Bye is an infant strength sedative to help get eight or more children on the same sleep pattern. Tests are inconclusive as to whether it is habit forming for the children.
TLC is sponsoring production of the line, and is in talks with the family to give them their own show. Negotiations have been stalled due to a line in Nadya’s contract stipulating that TLC must first “make me a Princess.” Programming executives are currently unsure of how to deal with this very specific demand.