AUSTIN, TX – Texas has seceded from the union.  Led by Governor Rick Perry, Texans and frustrated Conservatives are clamoring to Texas to start a new country.

Texas’ state congress held an emergency session on Thursday, and in a 180-1 vote decided to secede from the union.

Originally the Texas Senate opposed the actions of the State Congress, until the Congressmen asked if they would like to “step outside.”  After a brief scuffle behind the Capitol building, the Senate agreed and ratified the secession.

The new Republic of Texas is actively attracting those who are unhappy with the current US government.  Republicans who attended “Tea Party” protests earlier this week are expected to emigrate in droves.  Grief counselors had to be brought in to many of the protests as hundreds of Republicans realized they are now the minority.  Commercials on Fox News are advertising the new republic as “a Right-minded, God-fearing, *ss-kicking place to live.”  The Michigan Militia has offered to act as interim border patrol for the new state.

Texas was a republic from 1836, when it declared independence from Mexico, to 1845, when it was annexed as a U.S. state.  Kept in the state’s constitution was a provision allowing Texas the right to secede, which has to this point been purely ceremonial.

Governor Rick Perry made the announcement at a press conference Thursday afternoon.  Wearing a navy blue suit and carrying a Winchester rifle, Governor Perry announced that Texas would be its own autonomous republic.  The downtown Austin crowd responded with mostly polite applause and confused stares.  The same speech delivered in Houston later that day was met with thunderous applause and gunshots into the air.

The first orders of business addressed by the Republic of Texas were to set up a holiday on May 2nd where effigies of Gen. Santa Anna will be burned publicly, and to require all state business to be done wearing ‘coonskin caps.

76 thoughts on “TEXAS SECESSION”

  1. I've heard the story of the Princess & the Pea; is he going to be willing to lay claim to be King of the Pea-brains? And who would be smart (eh!) to follow a Pea-Brain is this ridiculous persuit.
    What happens to Laws? Jails? And the like?
    Sounds like he's lost it; really lost it!!!
    What about revenue to support the leftover citizens that may stay; how do they propose to meet payrolls; housing etc.?
    Autonomy? He needs to start back in Kindegarten; the teachings of our Forefathers; Of the People, For the People, By the People.
    Sounds more like; Of the Governor, For the Govenor, By the Governor.
    Makes you wonder; how did this guy get into office? His thought process is at best; FAULTY.

    King? Of what?

  2. If Texas seceeds, the only real slaves will be in what's is left of the US. Actually if Texas went out with Oklahoma and Louisana, the rest of the United States would probably starve or freeze. The economic, productive, and agricultural clout of those three states would assure independance and prosperity for its citizens.

  3. 21. Gun rights. Hey look, texans need their guns because the state is unwilling foot the bill for adequate policing and safety like other states. state first! citizen last!

    22. Highest unwanted teen pregnancies. According to a Houston paper, they like to do more than play with barbies down in tx. Apparently they like to get pregnant and be a mom at age 12 too.

    23. Poorly educated. STILL poorly educated compared to other states. when are the oil guys going to pay for schools.

    24. Lack of affluence. This is something oil money cannot buy. you can be rich, but you can't find Oklahoma on a map.

    25. Cities annex neighboring towns just to boast on size. truly texas. guess what, everyone can see thru this. when your metro area is a 10th the size of other metro areas, you kind of get the idea your just being typical tx.

    26. Highest accident rate of any state. Listen, you have to drive 2 hours to get to what places the rest of us can get to in 30 minutes. I would drive fast and not care about my life too if I lived in texas. of course, the accident rate also includes factory explosions, etc.

    27. Texas consumes more energy than what is produced by the state in terms of gross product per the dept of energy. texas is an energy empire. unfortunately, their bragging is unsubstantiated when they claim the power the world.

    28. highest in-sourcer (more people working for foreign firms – helping make $ in foreign investments). guess what, more citizens in tx by percentage aren't contributing a dime to u.s. investment.

    29. High cancer rate. of course. you don't roil your state with anything goes industry without paying for it do you?

    30. High obesity rate – must be the dependence on mexican food, bbq. That's Mexian food, you know, it's what makes tx so exotic.

  4. Those leaving negative comments, for the most part, are obviously not Texans, either by birth or by heart. Not only do we have a budget operating in the black, we are doing it without state income tax. Our air and water quality exceeds EPA standards, even in the very large metopolitan areas. Hispanic Texans here do not care for "undocumented workers" because they drain our resources (healthcare, judicial system, and schools) and contribute to negative Texas stereotypes such as unwed pregnancies, poorly educated people, and high alcohol consumption. Hurricanes impact our state, as do droughts, floods, tornados, and blizzards, but we recover from them more quickly because we pull together and help each other; not because we are taxed into forced charity or wait for government handouts. The only other state that is as self-reliant as Texas is Alaska. Texas would still have the military bases, occupied by the Texas military, and many US troops I have spoken with would come to Texas. With no federal tax, we'd have plenty of money to take care of ourselves, plenty of natural resources, including green energies, and the cojones to rely on ourselves. Remember, it was James Carville (Democrat) that said Sarah Palin gave Obama one of her cojones so they would both have TWO! We not only remember the Alamo, we also remember Gonzales, Pearl Harbor, and the World Trade Center. Given the freedom to do so, we can control our southern border VERY well; Just wait till you see what we can do with our northern border!

  5. Texas has a larger economy than 72 other countries. Texas is also a "donor" state, so we will keep our money, and you keep yours, we come out better in the end. Time to bail from the bankrupted sinking ship known as the USA..

  6. There is no debate about it… The national debt, interest payments, current deficits, and unfunded liabilities (Medicare, SS, pensions, etc.) are unmanageable. They can either default or hyper-inflate the currency, either devastating the American people. Nothing is being done to discourage the poor from having more babies and putting more strain on the system, in fact they are encouraging more poor Americans and legal and illegal immigrants to do so. You could elect super-majorities of Republicans in Congress and put one in the White House, but it's too late to right this ship. Secession is going to happen. Wouldn't it be better if we chose where we would live according to our ideology, rather than waiting for some regime rushing in and forcing us into servitude. I would love for libs to have their own country rather than destroy mine. When free people choose to secede, I'll be there and I will work my butt off so my children can be free.

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