Washington, DC – Top government officials have confirmed that after 2025 years of naming years one after another, what has started out as 2026 will be renamed YEAR 1. Ed Figuera, head of the Dept. of Government Chronology said, “Every year billions of people around the world gather in public and count down the ending … READ MORE
Folks, it’s your ol’ pal Dotti here, sippin’ swamp water from a Bigfoot boot and channelin’ wisdom straight from the ghost of Elvis’s gold-plated UFO. The world’s gone madder than a three-eyed cat in a laser pointer factory this October—Trump’s tweetin’ from the moon, climate change turned Florida into a giant kiddie pool, and AI’s … READ MORE
What in tarnation has happened to America? Back in my day, college sports were about amateur glory, school spirit. And maybe a free education if you didn’t flunk out. Now, thanks to this cockamamie House v. NCAA settlement that’s got schools shelling out billions, these overgrown kids are raking in cash hand over fist! A … READ MORE
There’s a bizarre scene that has New Englanders both terrified and oddly sympathetic. The legendary Godzilla has been immobilized by one of the worst blizzards to slam Massachusetts in decades. The 400-foot-tall atomic reptile, last seen rampaging through Tokyo, reportedly surfaced off Cape Cod last week. He was drawn by reports of “really big seafood.” … READ MORE
MY FAKE VIDEO ADDICT HUSBAND Dear Dotti:My hubby is obsessed with this new AI video generator trend that’s blowing up everywhere. He spends all day making fake videos of me dancing with aliens or wrestling Bigfoot, and now our neighbors think I’m some kind of intergalactic freak show. Last week, he generated one where I’m … READ MORE
Folks, this is Ed Anger here, pig-biting mad as a New Year’s Eve hangover in a dry county! Every January 1st, like clockwork, these whiny, yoga-pants-wearing, kale-munching wimps crawl out of their overpriced apartments and start blabbering about “New Year Resolutions.” Lose weight! Exercise more! Read books! Quit smoking! Save money! Be kinder to Mother … READ MORE
SHUTDOWN CITY Dear Dotti,With the government shutdown dragging on like a bad acid trip, my paycheck’s vanished faster than Elvis at a sighting convention, and my kids are demanding Fortnite V-Bucks while we eat ramen flavored with regret. How do I keep the family from mutiny? — Starving in Shutdown City Dear Starving: Oh, honey, … READ MORE
I’m madder than a bobcat with a burr in its butt about this whole renaming hooey with the Department of Defense! You heard right, folks—they’re finally calling it what it is: the Department of War! About darn time! For years, I’ve been screaming from the rooftops that we need to stop pussyfooting around with these … READ MORE
Folks, this is Ed Anger here, and I’m so steamed up I could fry an egg on my forehead. Or better yet, roast a weenie over the flames of my fury! For years, we’ve let these long-haired, America-hating weirdos run around torching Old Glory like it’s some kinda backyard barbecue prop for their tofu skewers. … READ MORE
Folks, I’m so steamed I could boil a bald eagle’s bathwater! This week, some fancy-pants chess whiz named Magnus Carlsen—who sounds like he oughta be selling Swedish meatballs—beat another brainiac, Hikaru Nakamura, in some hoity-toity “Esports World Cup” chess match. And get this: they didn’t even touch a real chessboard! Nope, these eggheads were clicking … READ MORE