BLACK ROCK CITY – The Obamas are going to Burning Man to celebrate the President’s 50th Birthday and extend their vacation.
Michelle and Barack Obama will leave the kids and fly to Black Rock City, Nevada on August 29th to attend the Burning Man Festival – for the second year in a row. And why not? It’s the best way for the President to celebrate his 50th birthday – which is August 3rd.
Burning Man is an annual art event and temporary community based on radical self-expression and self-reliance. It is held on an ancient lakebed in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada. There is a gigantic expansion of temporary structures, with more than 40,000 “burners-in-residence.” The biggest draw is the hundreds of strange activities going at any given moment. “It’s just like the White House,” said President Obama.
The event is described by many participants as an experiment in community, radical self-expression, and radical self-reliance, but the fact is there’s a lot of… sex and drugs. Michelle and Barack both intend on taking ecstasy and doing Special K. “People are saying that we’re not connected to the people. Well, this will prove everybody wrong. Now, can somebody please get me a bong!”
Art is an important part of the Burning Man experience, and Larry Harvey, founder of the Burning Man project, gives the festival a theme each year, as a way to encourage a common bond and to help make sure each individual’s contribution is put together in a meaningful way.
The theme this year is: Rites of Passge.
“It’s perfect for Barack’s 50th,” said Michelle Obama.
The President has been working on his art for the festival: a balloon-animal sculpture and a seashell collage that he intends to display while belly dancing.
“You can’t sit on the sidelines here,” said one Burner. “You gotta dive in, participate.” President Obama and Michelle Obama plan to take off their clothes and Irish step-dance while young members of the White House staff bang on waffle irons nearby. “We are going to make the best music Burners will ever see. It will blow their heads.” Obama said.
President Obama spoke about the meaning of Burning Man, “I think I see a unicorn. It’s purple. It’s big. Oh, and look at the those flying doorknobs. Fly, doorknobs, fly!”
Michelle Obama was busy trying to plant broccoli in the desert. Several burners tried to tell the First Lady that you can’t plant broccoli in scorching hot sand, but Michelle scolded them, “You can if you have elves helping you. And I have a lot of elves and gnomes right here with me! Plus I’m using a magic hoe. So go!”
Secret Service agents will be run naked through the desert chasing alpacas during the week-long festival. Or maybe it will be the other way around.
Harry Reid will also attend Burning Man (again), trying to impress his fellow Nevada citizens – especially those on LSD, because as Reid said, “they are the ones that best understand my speeches. But President Obama isn’t happy with Reid going to Burning Man, “He’s drag, man. Dude doesn’t know how to get down in the desert, doesn’t know how to loosen up. I gave him some magic mushrooms. Maybe that’ll help.” Reid was seen last year at Burning Man – he was standing on top of an port-o-john licking a frog and screaming, “I’m king of the world!”
Here’s the kind of event the Obamas plan to attend this year :