SKIN BUGS WILL TURN YOU INTO A ZOMBIE

ATLANTA – The Center for Disease Control has confirmed that skin bugs are turning people into zombies.
A new study by the CDC has revealed that patients claiming to having bugs on their skin – are turning into zombies.
“The process takes about three months from the time a patient first sees a doctor,” said Dr. James Byrne of Syracuse, New York.  “After that, the patient typically will die peacefully in bed and immediately turn into a zombie.”
Doctors are compelled by law to alert the authorities when a patient comes in with skin bugs. “Once patients/zombies are identified, authorities send out Zombie Control to hunt them down and kill them – usually with a rusty spear to the heart,” said Professor David Collins, Zombie Expert at the CDC.

The CDC is conducting an investigation into the increased incidents of skin bugs.  “Clearly, this new Zombie Outbreak is caused by skin bugs,” said Collins.  “It’s affected me personally because I had to set fire to my cousin, Caleb, last week.  He ruined the family picnic.”
Large numbers of  patients  have been going to dermatologists to be treated for skin infestations. The first sign is usually when a patient notices parasites crawling around on their body.  Here’s what the parasites look like:

Federal authorities have reported that in the last two months ALL patients claiming their skin has been infested with bugs, have turned into brain-eating zombies – sometimes in as little as a week.
There was only one case where the skin of the patient infested by bugs, did NOT become a zombie – and that was because the person was already dying of psycho-moronic bowel disease.

The CDC is recommending citizens across the country keep a shotgun and/or hatchet in their homes. This way if a family member starts complaining of skin bugs, you can “eliminate the contagion” immediately.
“We want to control this zombie outbreak as quickly and effectively as we  can,” said Dr. Byrne.  “We are advising patients with skin bugs to alert us as soon as possible so we can send our doctors over to smash their brains in with a sledgehammer. This way they’ll save the government a good deal of money in end of life care.”
Go check your skin for bugs.   Please let WWN know if you find anything – we have a number of mutants who can help you out.

39 thoughts on “SKIN BUGS WILL TURN YOU INTO A ZOMBIE”

  1. Ok apparently someone has been watching waaayyyy to many Zombie movies I didn't know whether to laugh at this or what..seriously if that was the case then would't there have been reports of 'Zombies' in history?

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  2. lol this is cute, but no go guys sorry.
    1) the "parasites" are scarabs,
    2) fake scarabs.
    3) if they all turn on a "regular" time table seeing the doctor is a variable making this "study" inconclusive
    and
    4) NEVER GO FOR THE HEART! Its a rookie mistake head only, you can take them apart bit by bit but if you do not neutralize the head it can still infect and kill.
    <3 Angora

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  3. Wow, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I can't believe some people actually believe in this crap.

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  4. Searously people grow a freakin brain come on ZOMBIES ??????????????? what are you 5 you mise well say that unicorn are falling from the sky (lol i loved reading this)

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  5. People are stupid, zombies where invented by George Romero in a 1960 movie, Be prepared people cause the next thing you'll here will be fetch me their souls (Sarcastic)

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    • i agree all media does is make ppl worry and freak out, has nobody ever hear live ur life to the fullest!

  6. Wow, if his wasn't so outrageous it would be funny!!! This is the most irresponsible piece of journalism I have ever read. Seriously, you are condoning setting relatives on fire or taking a hatchet or shot gun to somebody that might have a bug on them? Well I had a ladybug land on me the othr day I guess I am doomed!

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  7. haha your so true!! or as on chicken little says "the sky is falling the sky is falling!!!" people now in days!!

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  8. honestly if you believe that you must be under 10 and play a lot of video games. of course it would be so kool. but come on people use your heads

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  9. ohh if real its funny in my young age ill kill some zombie crap it fun im holding some knife and shotgon soooo awesome but the problem if one of my family member got it its hard to think that i gotta kill her/him or just rope it

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  10. this is real you guys need to take this story more seriously and get a gun or a hatchet i don't want to be the only person not a zombie left on the planet

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  11. Between the oil contamination in the Gulf to the radiation in Japan, there are very real man-made affects to our food supply. But add to that the flooding and droughts occurring in the U.S. and Europe this year and it looks like food may not only be more expensive but actually scarce.
    People to need to start putting away their own stores of food for several months and even up to a year to weather the dire conditions due coming in 2012: http://www.familysurvivalcenter.com/fwb.htm

    Reply

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