DUDE DATING: COLLEGE VS. REAL-WORLD DATING

The J-Train is coming through and he’s got the dating advice you need!
From the long line of WWN advice columns (i.e. Dear Dotti, Ask a Chimp, etc) comes a new breed of intrepid advice giver. It’s Jared Freid aka J-Train. A frequent dater and lover…
Dude Dating with J-Train: College vs. Real-World Dating
Q. Train, I just graduated college at the end of December (Yea, 4 and a half years, I party, so what?). I’m entering the “real world”, single and ready to mingle. What kind of changes can I expect in my dating life now that I’m not in college? – Carlton Banks, Beverly Hills, CA
Listen up, Carlton, the piggest – oops, I mean biggest – difference is that girls are fatter- oh my lord, I meant ‘choosier’…CHOOSIER, I don’t know where that came from. Anyway, yeah, I meant choosier. This isn’t an isolated campus anymore with only maybe a hundred viable options. Most post-collegiate are moving into large cities, where the possibilities are endless. You’re not competing against Johnny-Frat-Guy on a level playing field anymore – you’re up against guys with better jobs, better clothes, better apartments, not to mention you’re dealing with a larger age range. Girls have options now, and they got the ‘4-year-slut’ out of their system (mostly), which means you’ll have to step up your game.
The Pick-Up
While at college, buying a girl a shot of tequila was like giving her a dozen roses and a promise ring – and only the most gentlemanly of gentlemen would buy a girl Patron. Now it just means, ‘I’m a complete creep and I’m broke, so let’s make this quick, whore,’ – and, weirdly, girls don’t like this. These days, you’re going to have to talk your way in.
Girls want to know three things after college: where you live, what you do, and does your toilet have that pink ring around the bowl. If the story is ‘I’m 23, live with my parents, and I spend my days playing ping pong at the local Y until I figure things out,’ then forget it. Post-collegiate existential crises are only cute to girls when it’s in a movie. I’m not saying to lie, I’m saying just sell the sizzle a little bit; dress up the story. When she asks, ‘What do you do?’ tell her you weren’t into the whole ‘finance game’ so you took a quick jaunt to the West Indies to ‘clear your head’ and you just got back a few weeks ago, so you’re staying with your parents for the time being so you can help around the house since they are ‘blind and wheelchair-bound’; also, to kill time during the day, you’ve started a program at the local Y to teach quadriplegics how to ‘play table tennis with their mouths’ and how you think that if they can return a serve, then they can ‘paddle back any of the hardships that life has cruelly delivered them.’ All of a sudden, this girl isn’t getting picked up by a 23-year-old loser with no prospects, but a character from a romantic comedy that happens to be looking damn good right now in that American Eagle polo. After story time is over tell her – ‘Enough about me, let’s just have fun tonight.’ NOW buy her the shot of tequila.
First Dates
‘Come to my place and watch a movie’ isn’t a viable option anymore as a first date. After four years in college, girls start to know that ‘Come over and watch a movie’ means ‘Come over and I’m going to spend the whole night trying to get you to rest your head in my lap…face down.’ She doesn’t want to call home to her mom the next day and tell her the date involved ‘Ghostbusters 2 and a rash from your leather couch.’ So lets start somewhere mature: a bar for drinks. I’ve gone over the steps in the Minor Leagues of Dating. Remember some patience. Movies and giving her the old ‘Vigo the Carpathian’ will come soon enough, but this girl has to see investment of time, energy, and money.
Sex
If you live with your parents, give it time, your genitals will figure something out. Just don’t get a hotel room and tell her to hurry things up because the hourly rate goes up after 11. If you have your own place then concentrate on being a better lover – you can’t just break out the oilrig, go to town, and then tell her a Pledge will drive her home. Keep a bottle of wine in the house, loosen up a little, and have some fun with her. Sex doesn’t need to be the steamy, aggressive garbage you watch on the interweb. Have a laugh with her and tell her that her breasts look magnificent; and the next morning, give her a ride home or walk her to the cab – these are easy things that can make up for your complete lack of sexual prowess. And always remember that if you couldn’t get her off the night before, bring her to brunch the next morning – it’s a bizarre phenomenon, but after college, frittatas and mimosas give girls the climax you never will.
Here’s the deal: hooking up with a girl after college is no longer the trophy you brag about to your friends. Nobody cares anymore that you got some last night, and your life isn’t measured in notches on the belt. Everyone out in the ‘real world’ cares far more about their jobs and the garbage truck schedule, so whether you’re just looking for some strange on a Saturday night or a long term relationship, put in a little more effort and it will pay dividends. Give her a story, a decent first date, and some lifeless, teary sex – as long as you pay for brunch.
You’re Welcome,
Train.


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