LONDON – Due to arctic conditions and a massive blizzard – Great Britain has canceled Christmas.
Festivities of any kind have been canceled in Great Britain because of a white-out and low temperatures that have shattered all low temperatures going back to 1670 during the Little Ice Age.   This means that Christmas, for all intents and purposes – is canceled this year.
British drivers are being told NOT not to travel in the run-up to Christmas, when millions hit the roads to visit relatives or to do last-minute shopping.
“We can not have Brits on the road at all.   No shopping.  No Christmas.  It’s just too bloody dangerous,” said British Prime Minister, David Cameron.
There is chaos across the transportation networks, and that means gifts sent through the post will not arrive in time and shops will run low on food and other essentials.  “If our citizens insist on going shopping and or stocking up on holiday food from the grocery stores, we will have them arrested.  This is a national emergency,” said Cameron.
Transportation spokesman Bernard Hill said: ‘”It’s too  treacherous.  People can celebrate Christmas after the New Year, when the weather is predicted to improve.   Safety comes first.’

The earliest widespread wintry blast on records since the 18th century, has already claimed at least 1,300 British lives.
Forecasters predict fifty inches of snow could fall in the next few days, with temperatures plummeting as low -20C in Scotland and northern England. There is no sign of a let-up before the festive period.  It is predicted that this year will be a White-Out Christmas.
Ian Gordon, of independent forecaster The Weather Outlook, said: ‘This cold spell is a once-in-ten-lifetimes event. We’ll probably never see it again.’
Cameron has sent word to Santa at the North Pole, “Please bypass Great Britain.  If you attempt to drop or deliver presents, you will be shot down.”
Not everyone was impressed with the cold, however.  Sally Montrose from St. Paul, Minnesota was startled at how the Brits were reacting.  “Are you kidding me?  This is nothing.  These people are babies.  They wouldn’t survive a day in St. Paul.”
Doesn’t matter what Sally thinks. The Brits don’t like cold and they are going to hibernate until the rain returns.
Some Brits are happy that there will be no Christmas.  “Scrooge was right.  Bah humbug,” said Jonathan Mindwell of Camden.  “I’ll just stay home and get pissed on ale.  It’ll be like every other Christmas – without me wasting money on gifts.”
Ahhh, there’s nothing better than a British Christmas.

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  1. Wow, thanks for telling me. I live in London and I've been going about with all my Christmas preparations as normal. I had no idea that Christmas had been cancelled. I guess I'd better rip down my tree and take it to the dump before everyone thinks I'm an idiot for not reading this wonderfully reliable newspaper earlier

  2. They didn't cancel it, the magic will survive, it's what Christmas is about, knowing that despite the bitter cold, we will all come out together on the other side in the bloomin' Spring with beautiful flowers across the land, love in our hearts, friendship for all and even a helping hand. So don't be so mean and grouchy like the Grinch before he found that it will come without boxes and bows or net or a ball..because…just maybe it means something more after all (and it does….and hugs and cheers to all!)

  3. Oh WWN & other readers…this is silly…Christmas and all the trimmings will be held wherever there are people ready to share their hearts and tables and hearths with one another in the spirit of giving and love.


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