GHOST ADAPTS TO THE PANDEMIC!
Bloody Mary, the legendary ghost that slumber parties and teenage make-out sessions have long speculated about is in fact not only true, but the spectre has decided to start her very own food delivery service.
“It’s like door dash, only instead of downloading an app, say my name 3 times into a mirror and I will appear! Then I’ll take your order and be back within 40 minutes or less.”, said Mary Worth- the recent entrepreneur’s real name.
Originally conjured to tell the future, the ritual of Bloody Mary, consisted of being in a dimly lit or dark room, and chanting the ghosts’ name in the mirror. The number of times, varies as does the actual name to chant, but the end result, was supposedly the same-Bloody Mary would appear!
“Look, for about longer than I care to remember, every time a group of teenagers or college kids sneak some alcohol and want to scare someone into their arms, so they can get lovey-dovey -I somehow get to pulled into their debauchery. It’s like, “Go into the bathroom. Look into the mirror…blah blah blah!”.
I then have to show up whenever anyone calls! Like I don’t have a life?!
Apparently the tough economic times, hit not only on this world, but the spiritual world as well! Down trodden financial situations prompted this modern day haunting and food service.
“Quarantine has really cut down on get-togethers, so my numbers went down too. Who can get by on the new capacity laws? The more people have been laid off and afraid of dying from the flu- the less they have the need to be scared by phantoms. Why just the thought of the upcoming presidential election is enough to make ME get the heebee jeebees!”
SERVICE IS NOTHING SHORT OF MIRACULOUS
The former Mrs. Worth told News From A Broad exclusively that she feels real life, the way it is now, is so scary for the masses, that it is slowly putting supernatural’s out of business. So how does a centuries old phenomenon stay relevant? Like any modern woman of this era, she plays to her strengths and targets her demographic!
“I needed to come up with something I know- I first thought bathrooms. But don’t get me started on how many disgusting bathrooms I have seen! I may not have a solid body, but my sense of smell is intact! If I had the stomach for it- I would have started a cleaning service!”
It’s been said that ingenuity plus work plus courage equals miracles,. Well, the Bloody Mary Food Delivery service is nothing short of miraculous!
“I thought why not?! You don’t need internet service. I can take the order in person and get it right back to you. No mistakes. No driver giving your neighbor your food or eating some of your French Fries- ghost, get it?! We don’t eat!
Our tagline is, “Bloody Mary Food Delivery Service: we used to want you to give a good scream now, we just want a nice YELP!”.
UPDATE: This reporter has found out that Bigfoot Hooker is reportedly trying to raise funding for her own franchise.
I actually did some food distribution today for those in need. When I saw this I could not stop laughing. Thank you for the great story. It really made my day.