DECLASSIFIED: AREA 51 IS AN ALIEN SELF-STORAGE FACILITY!

Weekly World News has finally found the truth about Area 51.

Apparently, the US government has been charging rent to various Aliens to store their old junk here on Earth. And they have a facility set up at Area 51. This is why they’ve been traveling to our world. They’ve run out of places to stash their junk!

In fact, many Self-Storage places are being used by Aliens – Gootans and Zeebans alike! They are stashing their tech, their strange collections of pop culture items and, for some strange reason, a large assortment of wigs!

We spoke with Ivan Schneider, owner of U-Stash It Storage to give us more insight into the alien storage habits.

“I’ve been the owner of the U-Stash It for years. And yeah, I’ve seen a lot of aliens come and go here,” he explains. “I don’t pay them much mind. They always pay their rent on time, so they’re okay by me.”

Weekly World News asks Mr. Schneider if he’s seen any of the stuff that the aliens are storing. 

“Oh yeah,” he said. “I know that you’re not supposed to look in there but I couldn’t help myself! I saw stacks of old Baby on Board signs, cases of New Coke, spacecraft parts and piles of Mickey Mouse socks…”

The implications of this storage find are immense. But it also raises many questions: Why do they have this stuff? Why are they keeping it? Are they entering our homes and stealing single socks?

WWN’S EXCLUSIVE LOOK INSIDE!

We decided to travel back to Nevada to find out. The federal government granted Weekly World News access to the storage facility at Area 51! No other news organization has ever been given such access!

After checking our credentials,  we were escorted through a massive warehouse by a tall, thin man in a dark suit. Due to security concerns, he couldn’t give me his name but caught a glimpse of his name tag. It read: George Diefenderfer.

“Just follow me sir, and don’t touch anything,” Diefenderfer warned. “Don’t be too disappointed, there isn’t much to see.”

Of course, we saw the typical, crates of emergency supplies, the Lost Ark, a cryogenic hall containing ex-presidents,  celebrities, and aliens, but then we spotted the motherlode! It was the most amazing sight. We couldn’t believe that they were leaving us in there. The following is a detailed court report of everything contained within the most top-secret space inside Area 51!

THAT’S ALL?

After that our anonymous tour guide. George, ushered us out. He was cordial and apologized for a lack of ‘cool stuff’.

The government has prevented us from revealing all we saw in the storage facility, but if you’ve every been in a storage bin, it was pretty much the same. Except, there was all sort of alien tchotchkes,

In fact, you may find some wacky alien artifacts at your local self-storage facility. We recommend you go and have a look.

3 thoughts on “DECLASSIFIED: AREA 51 IS AN ALIEN SELF-STORAGE FACILITY!”

  1. I knew Area 51 was more than a myth, I knew it in my gut! It’s a gift. Like when I’m watching the Dolphins and Marino airs out a bomb – I just know Duper’s gonna catch it! Thank God for the Weekly World News and all who seek the truth. The truth is out there!

    Reply

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