On Monday June 8th an Idaho man awoke to a shocking transformation – his feet had turned into potatoes!  

For years friends had joked that Bill Ringwald’s acute love of all things potato would harm him. They worried that his obsession with french fries, chips, waffle fries, skins, baked, home fries, etc. would eventually turn him into a potato.  The prophecy gained even more traction when Mr. Ringwald joined the Idaho Potato Commission as director of external communications three years ago.   

Those starch soothsayers were not far off the mark when Ringwald literally stumbled out of bed one morning. He found that during the night his feet and toes had transformed into sizable spuds.  

“At first I thought it was some sort of practical joke. But on further inspection, and a significant amount of poking and prodding by my horrified wife, I realized that two Grade 1 Jumbo potatoes had replaced my feet.  Ironically, they are probably two of the most attractive looking potatoes we’ve ever seen. We even got a bit hungry thinking about them and joked about the ideal preparation.”  

But despite the spuds’ comeliness, Mr. Ringwald has found walking on two large potatoes to be extremely difficult.  He’s also had one heck of a time trying to fashion some appropriate footwear to protect his tuber feet.  “I never realized how important toes are to locomotion,” said Ringwald.  “While I still adore eating potatoes, they are just terrible for getting around!”

Local physicians are flummoxed as to the cause or possible cure for Mr. Ringwald’s ailment. Geneticists and epidemiologists at the University of Washington Medical School are actively studying Ringwald’s case. They hope to find a treatment or cure before the spuds go bad and start sprouting!  

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  1. Homology

    Hit by a bullet
    A man lay bleeding
    Precious fluids and cells
    Into the earth.

    Hit by a meteor
    A spaceship drifts leaking
    Precious gases and people
    Into the empty space


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