NEW IN THE FROZEN PETS AISLE!
The new range of freeze-dried household companions has hit the shelves in the Frozen pets aisle just in time for the holidays, and kids couldn’t be more thrilled!
“I told the kids, we couldn’t get a full-time puppy” a mother of four found shopping recently told a reporter, “But Toaster Puppies were just the thing. You pop one out of the freezer, drop it in the toaster, press down the lever, and in a few minutes, a yorkie pops out wagging his tail off!”
And best of all, she noted, when the kids were tired of playing “No worries about abandoned pets, you just pop it into a freezer bag and put it in the fridge for later.”
Cryo-puppers Inc has made headlines with its amazingly popular products. Further spin-offs expected are Chihuahuas and Cheese, Pug Rolls, Pekingese over Easy, and has even branched out into the vegan cat-lady market with their Kittens and Kale subline.
“Our goal,” explained Dr. Mal Ida, Ph.D. in Cryonics and founder of Cryo-puppers told the Weekly World News, “Is to give busy families who may not have time for the whole pet-rearing experience the chance to have the developmental advantages of pet-keeping available for their kids, in easy to prepare single-serving sizes. While we’ve concentrated on the toy breeds for now, we do have big plans. Seriously. Our Mastiff-loaf has gotten very good reviews in initial product testing, though it will require a large oven to prepare. Holiday-themed special editions are coming up too like our Easter themed Bunnies and Beans platter. Once we work out a few technical problems, the sky’s the limit!”
Cryo-pupper’s stock has skyrocketed in recent months in anticipation of strong holiday sales and their recent legal win in court blocking the sale of the Chinese “Pickled Panda” knockoff products that briefly flooded the shelves but were recalled when high concentrations of lead was found in the packaging.