Mutants
5 CELEBRITIES WITH BIGFOOT DNA
“Everyone has a little. The question is…how much?” In my Wurlitzer Prize-winning article “How to Tell if You’re a Clone” I introduced readers to 23&Me&Me&Me, a company using DNA to determine if you’re a clone. Well, the geniuses behind that company are at it again with ‘SquatchWatch, an amazing new product that identifies exact amounts … READ MORE
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR NEIGHBOR IS A ZOMBIE
DO YOU WONDER WHY SOME PEOPLE LOOK & ACT like the living dead? WELL THEY ARE! Your next-door neighbor or co-worker may be a shambling, mindless zombie trapped in a strange twilight existence between life and death! That’s the alarming warning of a top expert, who says as many as. one in 27 Americans is … READ MORE
GNARLY MONSTER SURFACES IN NYC!
NOBODY NOTICES When WEEKLY WORLD NEWS heard rumors of a gnarly monster stalking New York City, we began to investigate. Unfortunately, no New Yorkers had heard of this prehistoric creature. Finally, we were contacted by a roving mime, who said he’d seen the creature near where the old Fulton Fish Market used to be in … READ MORE
ATTACK OF THE WEREMEN!
UNLIKE WEREWOLVES, WEREMEN ARE WOLVES WHO CHANGE INTO HUMANS WHEN THE MOON IS FULL AND BRIGHT! The floor of the darkened forest, with its thin tendrils of mist grasping towards the treetops, slowly grows brighter as a full moon begins to rise. Five large gray wolves impassively face this WWN reporter and my companion, their … READ MORE
“’REGULAR’ LIZARD IS TINY GODZILLA!”
A Matter of Scale! At first it looked like an ordinary lizard. “A garden lizard,” said Elaine Barrow, 13. “I see them all the time. This one had a slightly different color, more like camouflage, not green.” Barrow’s mother, Dr. Jacqueline Barrow, a noted herpetologist, came to sit next to the garden with her daughter and … READ MORE
THE YETI IS BEHIND CRYPTOCURRENCY
Much to the shock of the financial world, it has been discovered the Yeti are behind the current worldthe explosion in cryptocurrencies. Jeffrey Ness is the current head of the Federal Reserve Board. He noted, “It shocking. It is really puttingthe crypto into cryptocurrency. We had no idea. However, it is not illegal for the … READ MORE
LOCH NESS MONSTER DISCOVERED — IN CONGRESS!
Elected by a landslide But now the Loch Ness monster has been discovered in a different place entirely—the US Congress. Scientists have revealed that Eric Golladay (R-ID), a first-term Congressman who was elected in a landslide, is actually the famous Loch Ness monster. “He was wearing a hat, so at first it wasn’t clear,” said Lucille Jenkins, a researcher. “And his … READ MORE