ATTACK OF THE TURKEYS!
After the turkey that President Obama was murdered, wild turkeys across the country have been on the attack.
Tap Vann
THE DAY TWINKIES DIED
Hostess Brands, hurt by a slowdown brought on by a strike by its Bakers Union, is shutting down.
PAULA BROADWELL TO DO PLAYBOY
Paula Broadwell has reportedly signed a $3 million deal to pose naked for Playboy.
PETRAEUS HIRED AS PRINCETON PRESIDENT
David Petraeus has reportedly signed on as the new president of Princeton University.
LOVE IS WAR
The top Generals in the Armed Forces have strong libidos and now… they’re coming under attack from all flanks.
FEMA RUNS OUT OF WATER
After saying that they have performed “flawlessly” FEMA ran out of water on Staten Island.
POTHEADS FLOCK TO DENVER!
Marijuana is now legal in Colorado, so potheads around America are now heading to Denver,
JOE BIDEN CONCEDES ELECTION
Late last night, after winning the election, Joe Biden conceded to Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan.
SEAN PENN COMES TO THE RESCUE IN STATEN ISLAND!
Sean Penn has shown up in Staten Island to save the day!
GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE ENDORSES OBAMA
Following the visit to assess the damage on the Jersey Shore, Gov. Christie is now endorsing Barack Obama for President.