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ALIENS ARE EVERYWHERE

Scientists Warn “The Invasion Already Happened!” 

In movies, aliens are usually depicted as humanoid creatures with smooth features and large eyes.

But Howard T. Houseplant, an astronomer and parapsychologist with the Department Of Distant Phenomena, says that the truth is far more interesting.

“Aliens are everywhere,” he said. “I run a lab where we sample various objects for what we call ‘Extra-Terrestrial DNA,’ or ETIDNA. It’s a bit of a misnomer, since beings from other planets don’t have DNA in the way that we do. But the absence of that DNA tells us that there is the presence of another kind of DNA.”

Houseplant’s experiments, which he has been conducting since the early nineties, have yielded some interesting results. 

“Movies sometimes depict domestic pets as aliens,” he said. “They are not. But No. 2 pencils are! Mailboxes are not, but kernels of popcorn are. Hot-air balloons are not. Television remote controls are. The point, which is hard to comprehend, is that the aliens are already here, and that they are knit into the fabric of our daily lives.”

HAVING MADE HIS POINT

Houseplant, having made his point, stood in front of his cluttered, surprisingly small desk, decorated with pictures of his second wife, Kim, and his daughter from his first marriage, Paula. He and Kim have been trying to have a child of their own but have thus far been unable. Houseplant’s last name is rare, but not unprecedented. A Theodore Houseplant was a prominent clergyman in 18th century Manchester, and a Dennis Houseplant wrote and recorded a novelty rock-and-roll hit, “Dracula Dance,” in 1959. And then, of course, there is Houseplant’s father, Jerrold Houseplant, an economist in the Missouri Department of Forestry. 

“My dad always loved trees,” said Howard Houseplant. “It was kind of ironic when I was little. I would think about it: a Houseplant spending all his time with trees. I remember once he took me to work and I spent the whole day playing with his stapler. That was about a month before he and my mom split up.”

EYES UNCLOUDED

His eyes unclouded. “Oh,” he said. “Oh. I forgot entirely why we were talking. A stapler is an alien. As are staples. As are old-fashioned bakelite telephones. As are dog leashes. But not dogs. Not dogs at all.”

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2 thoughts on “ALIENS ARE EVERYWHERE”

  1. I believe Aliens are everywhere. Their presence has been in my family from ‘the beginning.’ They are here in my life a few times a week. And so I speak immediate fact when I say “Aliens are, technologically, as almighty as all the Gods in all religions, and just as mindlessly STUPID.” An almighty God that makes something that fails sooner or later, is STUPID.
    For example: Jehovah in the Bible is forever threatening to wipe out his chosen people because they are forever proving to be “STIFF NECKED.” Hello, Jehovah. You made them, sir!. They got their stiff neckedness from you. If you really care to be supremely useful to the creation you gave this REALITY, (sincere thanks), Jehovah, KILL YOURSELF. (P.S. Take all the other Gods with you. Good riddance!)

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  2. In the beginning good always out sounded the the evils of all man’s sin. In time the nations grew week and are cities fell to slums as evil stood strong…. Some good old Motley Crew – In The Beginning – Album Shout at the Devil.

    The aliens live in Antarctica. Admiral Byrd was chasing some Nazi after world war 2 and they headed to the south pole. On his journey he got his arse whipped. They lost ships and planes and people. This is the US Navy. They steamed over 60,000 miles around Antarctica. This means the world as you know it does not exist as you think.

    Antarctica is a circle of ice that surrounds all other land masses. A wall of ice. No the world is not flat. But it is about 4 times bigger than what you think. Think of the Death Star from Star Wars. It is round and has a big dish. We live inside that dish.

    The earth is about 4 times bigger than what is reported. I will steer clear of the “THEY SAID” lines of bs. Using specific gravity and the reported gravity well readings of other objects like the Moon, Sun and Mars, you can take your own weight on Earth and use it to figure out how big earth is.

    If you weigh 100 pounds on Earth then you would weigh 16.66 pounds on the moon. You take the circumference of the moon and divide your weight over the distance around it. Now take the same formula and divide your Earth weight to the distance around it. Oopsie! If the Earth is 25,000 miles round then you would weight 100 pounds… but instead you weigh 400 pounds!

    I use 100 because it makes the math easy. You can use any weight. You still get the Earth is about 100,000 miles round. About 3/4 of it is ice. Just like the moon is tidal locked to the Earth, the Earth is tidal locked to the sun.

    We live in a big crater. It is at the North pole. The planet orbits the Sun and wobbles facing the North pole to the sun. The moon does not orbit around the the whole Earth it orbits above the North pole. It is caught in a tidal lock much like a pendulum. It goes back and forth over the north pole and goes in a circle above the north pole. This rocks the earth as well.

    President Obama and other presidents have all stated that the Earth is much like an pear. It is not completely round. Its like the death star. A large object like the moon or mars put a pie pan like dish indent in to it. The north pole is the center of the impact. Now we live in the bowl. It talks about it in the bible and other religious books that the Earth is like a snow globe.

    Now other “Aliens” in reality are an ancient break away society that lives all around us in the circle of ice. They have for a long time. They use us as slaves to toil in the dirt to extract resources. Then they just control the government (Government is two words Govern means control – Yidish word Ment means mind. Government = Control Mind that uses Mind Control on you the monkey slave).

    So there you have it a hord of ice aliens live around us with Uber technology. They fly in and do what they want. What are you going to do about it…They have us surrounded and you ain’t no rocket scientist.

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